Aaron’s a Dude: The Dignity of Risk
For several years Aaron spent 3 days on a Dude Ranch in Michigan.
Before the Dude Ranch closes for the winter, buses of adults with all kinds of disability labels arrive and sleep in bunk houses, eat in mess halls, go boating, ride horses and sing songs around the campfire. For many of these adults—this is the highlight of the year.
The ranch’s owner is friends with the owner of the residential company which provides Aaron’s supports. (This is a great example of Bronfenbrenner’s system’s theory—circle of friends, using your contacts…click here).
Aaron is assigned a staff counselor one-on-one, but everyone pitches in to make sure everyone is safe and has a good time. Always being safe and having a good time sometimes contradict each other. Bob Perske used to talk about, “The Dignity of Risk” and as parents this is a complex and difficult balancing act.
This year we were lucky because one of Aaron’s regular staff went to camp. This was nice because she has worked with Aaron for 6 months and knows what Aaron likes and doesn’t like. So that helped mom’s anxiety and I would think made a big difference to Aaron.
This is about Aaron’s fifth dude experience and each time it’s a worry for me and Aaron’s dad. It is hard to get good feedback on what Aaron does and doesn’t do. I wish he could talk and tell us but I figure it is a change of pace, he likes to ride on the bus, sing songs. Especially, he likes to go horseback riding.
When Aaron was growing up, he took horseback lessons for about 10 years. He only stopped because he reached the 150 pound weight limit. When Aaron sits atop a horse, he looks like Prince Charles: head high, back straight, sometimes he even points his toes. I think he and the horses communicate in their own cosmic language. Sue Radabaugh, Bobbi Theis and the physical therapist at Cincinnati Riding for the Handicapped gave Aaron and each rider a lucky horseshoe at the end of each series of lessons.We learned horseshoes should always be positioned so the luck stays inside the horseshoe and doesn’t fall out. Aaron still has the horseshoes–God knows we don’t want to have our luck fall out.
Each year, I try and give Aaron “the dignity of risk” and not worry about the million of things that can go wrong at camp. I don’t like to think of myself as one of those “over-protective” or “hovering” parents. Some years have gone better than others, but each year we hope and pray our luck holds.
It is just difficult having a person like Aaron who is so vulnerable, when we don’t really know how the staff will act in this very different environment. For instance, Aaron has red hair, freckles, and burns in about 15 minutes in the sun. His caregiver is from Jamaica and has never had a sunburn in her life. I send sunscreen, I give instructions, but each year we ask, “Will Aaron come home with a sunburn?” In the post about deciding to go to the family reunion (click here) I could actually do the ecological assessment and control the environment. But the Dude Ranch is too far away. I had to put the control in the staff’s hands. And we’ve had some rocky experiences with some staff.
We did find out that Aaron went right up to the horses and wanted to ride, he went out on the lake in a boat four times, and he passed out the light bracelets for the barn dance the last night. The little radio we sent for the bus ride worked well, and actually came back with Aaron. Only one toileting accident. So all is well for another year. Hopefully we will see some pictures. And hopefully we will be even better prepared for next year.
Maybe I should hammer some horseshoes (with the luck inside) up on our front door. Whew! made it another year.
It’s so cool that you put hear personal stories on here for everyone else to see. it can really help other parents get past their fears just like you did. the whole dude ranch idea is awesome especially for adults like Aaron. it really helps and let’s them feel like they can do what want but also have time for themselves. They have a chance to do things that any other adult would or could do. It sounds like so much fun not just for the people like Aaron but also for the counselors.
Everyone went back for probably 5 or 6 years. Then the funding ran out and the opportunity was lost–but at least we have the memory and know Aaron participated when he could.
I think that this article is so inspirational. I really enjoy that you post personal stories about him because I think it makes it more meaningful for us to learn the information. I also think that the Dude Ranch is an excellent idea for adults like Aaron to try and have the most normal life and experiences as they can. I have also heard that people with disabilities connect really well with horses which is so awesome! I would love to know the connection that they have because I think its incredible.
You should see Aaron on a horse–he looks like a Prince sitting so tall in the saddle and he even points his toes in. It is amazing. Each experience you have with a person with a disability is writing your own story Molly–both in your life and in theirs. 🙂
I like that you share personal stories about Aaron. It’s so inspiring to see a mother so proud of her son with every single thing he does. And that each day is a new day, but it may be harder than past days and days to come. The Dude ranch sounds really interesting too, I bet Aaron feels so special being on the horses. I was a member of NHS in high school and for one of our volunteer projects we went to Bittersweet Farms, which serves people with Autism. We did projects for the workers there to help them out a little bit. It made me happy to see how happy the people with autism were to see new faces around and interact with new people.
In Module 3 there is a short video on “Belonging”–having friends and interesting things to do is the biggest problem for people with disabilities. Let me know what you think of the videos. Did you see “Credo of Support” with Norm Kunc? Bet you’d like it too.
I think the Dude Ranch is a great way for adults with disabilities to get out into the world and experience independence from those that normally take care of them on a day-to-day basis. It’s great that they get to explore the nature, get to have fun horseback riding and even have a lake to get the opportunity to get on a boat, which all of these are great ways to explore the outdoors. I’m glad Aaron got to experience being independent for a weekend and seems like he enjoys the Dude Ranch very much.
You make a good point Katie. This weekend is also respite for the parents and caregivers. It is easier to relax when you know your child is having a good time.
What a great idea to get adults that have disabilities a chance to go out and explore. Enabling someone like Aaron to get away and be in the outdoors to me is very cool. He gets to feel like he is on his own vacation and allows him to bond and be with other people that are just like him. I understand how there can be so many worries when you send your son away, but I liked how you say you give him “the dignity of risk”. You are allowing both yourself and Aaron to have an independent and trusting relationship.
Thanks Deye,
“Dignity of Risk” is a term from Burton Blatt, one of my heroes. I just wish Aaron had more opportunities–he would love it. 🙂
This is such a wonderful way for adults like Aaron to try and have a normal life experiences. This gives them an escape from whatever they are struggling with and they are able to do whatever they want. I rode horses for several years, and when I would ride it was always such a trilling feeling of letting everything go and just riding. Horses are comforting and can speak to people. Aaron and all of the others I’m sure love this aspect of being able to let everything go and sit up on the horses. I think what this dude ranch does is a great idea.
I love how you describe the feeling of being up on a horse and letting go. It is just that wonderful. Thanks for reminding us Britt.
I think that is great that the have this for adults like Aaron. I think it is a great thing for them to look forward too and to actually experience. It is good for him to know that he can go a weekend on his own, even though it might be tough. I am so glad he got to experience this fun adventure and still gets to go this every year.
Hi Danielle, It was a great experience for Aaron. I just wish he had more opportunities.
I love that Aaron had this type of experience where he could be involved in activities such as riding horses and going out on a boat with other adults who have disabilities. As important as I think it is for people with disabilities to be involved in society and included in activities with people who don’t have disabilities, I also think it is important to do the same exact things in an environment where many people have a disability as well. And it seems like he has fun at the Dude Ranch, which is really the most important factor of it all 🙂
Aaron has had some great experiences. As most parents, we can say we tried our best. Somehow, it never seems enough–but I guess that’s how all parents feel. Aaron is a great guy–we hope he has opportunities in the future.
I really enjoyed reading this post. I myself have always wanted to do something like that, going to a Dude Ranch and getting to ride horses and sing campfire songs. It reminds me of this one song by Toby Keith: “Should’ve Been a Cowboy.” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIq1LvzSLsk) I’ve always wanted to do that, but I have never put any work towards that dream. I love that Aaron finds joy in it and continues to go year after year.
Love it! I sat Aaron down to watch the video. He smiled and liked it.
bet they had a great time making the video–though I do think the bad guy he shot resurrected and then tried to get the girl :0
BTW: “Gene Autry” and “Roy Rogers” were the references (I think)
Roy Rogers and his wife Dale Evans (“Happy trails to you”) had a little girl who died when she was very young. They wrote a book called “Angel Unaware” and were one of the first movie stars to be outspoken advocates for children with disabilities. — See, I can make connections with most anything–I’m thinking I’m in Gardner’s new intelligence group.
Thanks for the fun song Onnie. Aaron really does like horses and camping.
You’re right Katie, I think the horses just know. It sounds like Haley looks forward to her ride. Aaron used to love it. He would sit up on the horse like Prince Charles–even pointed his toes in. He was so proud up in the saddle, and we were so proud that we could make him happy.
The dude ranch sounds like a great place for people with disabilities to get out and do something different; to go off their schedule and experience a different atmosphere filled with opportunities to learn, have fun, and spend time with people.
This is also the second time that I have heard people with disabilities having a special connection with a horse. My friend with disabilities, Haley, regularly attends riding lessons at a nearby stable. Her horse is named Breeze & Haley absolutely adores her! I don’t know what it is about horses, but I think they offer a wonderful relationship to all people; I think they offer a special bond that extends passed friendship that gives both parties an immense amount of joy.
I think that the Dude Ranch serves as a great retreat for the people with disabilities. It gives them a chance to get away from the norms of their everyday lives and have fun. I like how you say that you give your son Aaron the “dignity of risk”. This probably relaxes both you and his minds. I think that is great for growth in you and him.
You’re right Jade, it was a growth experience for both of us.
I often wonder what Aaron thinks of these experiences. If only he could tell us what he is thinking. I hope he is happy with what we’ve done. I guess you always wish you did more. But we did the best we could–guess that will have to be good enough.