Archive for the ‘Leisure/Recreation’ Category

Aaron, Tommy and Cross Country Team

My last post Teachers| Inclusion or Segregation started an interesting discussion. It reminded me of the letter I wrote to the Principal of Hopewell Junior School:

Letter to Principal on Last Day of Jr. High School

June 6, 1990

Principal, Hopewell Junior School
Lakota School District
West Chester, Ohio

Dear Dr. Taylor,

Recently my nephew, Robert, started laughing hysterically when I mentioned his cousin; Aaron was going to be on the school cross-country team. “What’s Aaron going to do? Bite and push all the kids at the starting line so he can win?”

I was deeply hurt but tried to explain it wasn’t all about the winning but the trying that was important. Robert was shocked! “But why would you even try if you knew you couldn’t win?”

Different Kinds of Winners and Losers

I explained there were different kinds of “winning.” Aaron has autism but he also has the need for belonging to a group and regular exercise. Robert stared blank-faced, and after several more minutes I changed the subject. To this gifted 14 year old, who has above-average good looks, athletic ability and intelligence, this made no sense. Sigh.

Robert, Tommy (Aaron’s brother) and their peers are the people on whom Aaron will always be dependent. They are the next generation of parents, professionals, neighbors and…coaches.

The experiences and value systems they are developing in school, in the community, on the cross country teams–right this minute—will directly affecting Aaron’s future.

Robert has never gone to public school, run on an inclusive cross-country team or been friends with people with physical and intellectual challenges. Obviously, even his experiences with his cousin have made little impact. I think that is a deficit in his education. It will impact his future as a member of his family and community. It’s not a visible “D” on his report card, but it is an invisible “deficit” and loss in his life.

Who are the Winners and Losers?

How do you teach that the person who comes in first is not always the biggest winner? Can children learn it takes courage for not just children with challenges, but for all the boys and girls who finish near the end?

WINNERS are sometime those who RISK losing…being laughed at…coming in last.

Learning and Teaching Values

Each nation decides what is normal, average and gifted. They decide who are the winners and the losers.

Recently, we’ve been stunned by news accounts which demonstrate how the values in Iran, China, and Russia are different from our own. We have also witnessed incredible changes in philosophy, public opinion and policy. Values are fluid, changing and dependent on multiple factors.

Shaping those values and rights is something we do every day, consciously, or unconsciously. Sometimes value changes are dramatic like the Berlin Wall coming down–winners. Sometimes value changes are dramatic like Tiananmen Square-winners/losers depending on your point of reference.

The rights of citizens are gifts from a nation to their citizens. These rights and freedoms cannot be taken for granted.

The tragedy of having a child with a disability has nothing to do with the child, a syndrome, disease or label. The tragedy comes from the struggle with people in your family, community, country who decide if they will accept and support your family or rejected and isolate you.

Whether the differences are overlooked or emphasized. Whether the winners are only the ones who come in first.

“But Wait until Junior High”

When we went to court in 1979 (Cincinnati Public Schools) to allow Aaron to go to the public school, the doomsayers predicted, “MAYBE it would work in elementary school…But wait until Junior High!”

The teachers care only about academics, the sports are so competitive, the kids are so cruel–during lunch they will put drugs in your child’s milk”

They hatefully wanted to frighten us into accepting the segregated school and a segregated life.

Last Day of Junior School

Today is our last day at Hopewell Junior School and happily those predictions are laughable. Thanks to the vision and caring of the administration, staff, teachers–especially Miss Linda Lee–and the other students in the school Aaron and his classmates have had a great experience.

They are the first class of people with significant disabilities who have been able to attend a regular public school. It has been a new experience for everyone and it has been a success.

Aaron has had many opportunities for learning functional skills which will help him live, work and participate in the community. But more importantly, he has had opportunities to be “included as a regular student.”

There were some who wondered why a kid, who can hardly talk, much less sing, would practice and perform on stage with the school chorus?

Why someone who has severe balance and flexibility problems would try to participate on the cross-county and track team?

They wonder if it be would have been safer if Aaron rode the “handicapped bus” with an extra aide, instead of the regular bus with his brother?

They will never understand why we hate Special Olympics?

These parents, students and community members can’t figure out what could Aaron possibly get out of an assembly, or six minutes in regular homeroom?

The answer to most of these questions then and now is really WE Don’t KNOW!

The schools are changing the future

Aaron has gifts, strengths and talents and when given opportunities for learning–determination and pride. We do have observations.

Each time a schoolmate says, “Hi” and forces Aaron to give eye contact, each time a teammate said, “Go Aaron, you can make it!” or gives him a high 5–it is a victory.

Each time they see Aaron make it over a creek or down a hill we celebrate.

Every time they see him complete his vocational job stacking juice cartons in the lunchroom, sorting the silverware, filling the pop machines–it is a value enhancing experience. Aaron can learn to do jobs, that if he didn’t do them, someone else would.

This year Aaron’s picture is in the yearbook next to his brother’s. He and Tommy’s picture is in also with the athletes for Cross Country and Track. A First!

A general education high school student cared enough to help Aaron participate in a bowling league. And then, he took him to the Eighth Grade Dance whose theme was “That’s What Friends are For.” A First!

Aaron’ name (granted it was a name stamp) was on the class t-shirt. A First!

Aaron got a school letter in cross country and track, including being in the team picture. A First!

Aaron got his first paycheck from his vocational training site, Grote bakery, allowing him to become a taxpayer. A jump-up-and-down first!

A whole lot of Learning

To me, these shifts in school philosophy, values and focus on inclusion are every bit as dramatic as the Berlin wall coming down.

In the current evolution to merge special and general education, to change special separate classes into a system of inclusive classes with support services for ALL children–the new ideas, opportunities, choices, risks and freedoms are truly exciting.

Hopewell Junior School has given Aaron and Tommy the chance to be winners. The chance to show that sometimes the biggest lessons are not just in the classroom.

Their success has been a victory.

Hopefully, in this human race, our world will become a better place because of the mix of people who grow up more fully with the experiences of community inclusion.

Thanks for your continued support. Thanks for making Hopewell—a Well of Hope.

Sincerely,

The Ulrich Family

Epilogue: 20 years later

Junior High turned out to be one of the best times in Aaron and Tommy’s lives. They both had caring teachers who looked at each of their individual needs. I wish we could find out what memories the other students had of their time with Aaron and Tommy in cross-county, track, bowling, choir, gym… I bet they would have some funny stories. I wish them all well.

ps. We often think of how the students are going to grow up and be the next voters, taxpayers, citizens… but we often forget the school staff also evolves. Aaron’s teacher, Miss Lee went on to become a district supervisor and Dr. Taylor, the prinicpal, is the current Superintendent of Lakota. I like to think their experiences with Aaron and Tommy influence who they are today.

Keep Climbing: Onward and Upward
All my best,

Mary

Comments:

Were kids with autism and severe disabilities included in your school? Do you have any thoughts to share? What do you think the future looks like?

A related story is What is Inclusion? plus, pictures of Aaron and Tommy at graduation.

Autism Day at the Opera

April is Autism Awareness month. April 2nd is designted World Autism Awareness Day by the United Nations General Assembly.

World Autism Awareness | Gone Amuck

For the last week, I’ve been following the comment streams on Twitter (#Autism, #ASD, #WAAD…) and other social media outlets like Facebook… and I wonder if the whole world is nuts.

My son is 36, has autism and we are desperate for help. So I appreciate the need for autism awareness and DIRECT ACTION.

For autism awareness day, I’ve learned some people are buying blue mascara and lipstick to spread “awareness about autism.”

Others are using April 2nd as a “retail therapy” day to buy new clothes in blue.

How will Autism Awareness Day impact the lives of people with autism and their families?

For the life of me I can’t imagine why blue lights at the Sydney Opera House, The White House, Empire State Building or the house next door will change a thing–except for the blue light bulb retailer.

Put Time and Money where your Mouth is

It makes more sense to me, that the expense of buying blue lights, hiring a team of workers to install and operate those lights for one day–is just dumb and a waste of opportunity.

Using those same dollars, the Opera House could invite families or parents to an evening of the opera. Sure, the Sydney Opera House might not get the same press, but the impact would be direct and measurable. Real families would have the treasured opportunity for a night of respite.

I understand the White House is meeting with some advocates for autism which is an action step–much more useful in my opinion to a blue illusion.

The Empire State Building–well, there were those romance flicks with the hearts on Valentine’s Day, but really.

Action–not Hype

Now good people and advocates are working hard for all this autism awareness, and I know my skepticism sounds like sour grapes or something mean spirited.

I’m just tired of being used and being the victims of charity.

Past Experiences with the Charity Model and hype

One time our family was on a trip to the Smokey Mountains. My husband Tom, an avid golfer, passed a golf course which had a huge sign over the gate “Welcome Special Olympics.”

Tom went to the front desk and asked if Aaron, our son with the label of autism, could ride in the golf cart as he played golf.

The desk clerk looked confused. Tom said Aaron would be sitting next to him and would not even be on the course. He also told him Aaron has accompanied him on other golf courses and it worked out fine.

As the clerk continued to stammer around–Tom pointed to the “Welcome Special Olympics” sign.

The young man shook his head,

“Tomorrow, our Special Olympic fundraiser is for radio/TV personalities, the Governor and all kinds of influential people coming to play golf. NOT–those kind (pointing at Aaron). This is our public relations and publicity event for the year. It isn’t for them. We don’t allow them on the course.”

Real People–Not Causes

At a time when getting services for children and adults with autism and their families is desperate, my hope for tomorrow is that people will spend a couple minutes with actual people who have the label of autism.

If you want to dress up in blue from head to toe, with blue eye shadow and lips, more power to you. But somewhere in the day, actually touch a real person. Make a difference in an actual life.

Make the Autism Awareness Day, more than a media moment.

Take the opportunity to begin change–one on one.

Keep Climbing: Onward and Upward
All my best,

Mary

What do you think?

Are you wearing Blue? Are you going to spend a couple minutes with an actual person who has the label of autism?

Rangers in American Revolution

Ranger in "One for the Money"

Searching for Happy Ever Afters

One of my favorite quotes is: “Look at what you have left, not at what you have lost (Schuller).”

Great advice. But when your life is full of losses, it is difficult to let go of the sadness and find joy in what is “left.”

Aaron was losing skills that took decades to build; and,
The pendulum was swinging back toward segregation and away from inclusion; and,
My best efforts at change weren’t making any difference; and,
My best friend died tragically.

Up until that point, I spent my free time reading non-fiction books like: Enabling and Empowering Families, Whose Science? Whose Knowledge?, Man’s Search for Meaning, When Bad things Happen to Good People…

You see a pattern?

I kept trying to learn a new way to make an inch of forward progress on our journey toward inclusion.
I kept beating my head against a brick wall, and the only thing I was getting was a bloody headache.

I decided I needed a new direction. “What did I have left”?

What new patterns could I make in MY life?

Not Aaron’s? Not the community? Not disability world? MY LIFE.

One for the Money: One hot Ranger

A friend gave me Janet Evanovich’s book, One For The Money, a romantic comedy about Stephanie Plum, a blundering bounty hunter who has help from a hot cop and an even hotter businessman named Ranger.

Well, it was funny and made me happy. I finished it in one day and it gave me new energy and spirit. I felt a touch of “normal.”

I began to read romance novels which would guarantee a “Happy Ever After”–something I probably won’t be able to achieve in real life.

I know, I know… people make fun of romance novels. But not booksellers–they know the romance genre makes up over 30% of all books sold.

Well I was hooked, probably for many of the same reasons as many women (and men). I was able to escape into a good story, ignore my problems for a while, and know the ending will be “happy ever after.”

I WANT HAPPY EVER AFTER.

Since I am obsessive about everything I do, I joined National and OVRWA, our local chapter of the Romance Writers of America. I even started writing a novel and became an editor for a small online epublisher.

Hey, I’ve been on boards of the Arc, TASH, Autism Society, County Board of MR/DD and scores of national, state and local organizations for people with disabilities. I can follow Roberts’ Rules of Order with the best of them. I even have a wooden gavel in my desk drawer from my tenure as president on one board.

What I don’t know how to do–is be normal. I don’t know how to include myself in my community.

Yea, the topic I have spent my life on–for Aaron.

But what about me?

How do I “normalize” and “include” myself?

Ranger meets the Rangers

OVRWA has been a terrific experience because of some amazing women. They are serious writers. Some just beginning, some NYT best sellers whose names you might recognize, or will recognize in the future.

I enjoy every minute of their company… and have learned much about writing, publishing, and … living.

In a previous post I wrote about Wheelchair Becky becoming a romance writer. I am finding I don’t have to give up my beliefs, they only become clearer. I don’t have to change my passion for inclusion, I can find it everywhere.

Last month’s presentation was for the historical romance writers in our group. Two men (much sexier than the stock photo above) brought their collections of American Revolution costumes, stories, artifacts and gave a well rounded presentation of the English and the colonist’s viewpoints. They helped us relive the time period and much more.

Professional vs. Amateur

In their opinion, the Americans won because of their passion for the cause and their ability to adapt to the environment.

The Americans were amateurs, with few men, no royal blood or fancy educations, little professional experience, less sophisticated weapons, few funds…. taking on the most powerful military force in the world.

The professional soldiers kept insisting on fighting with traditional European formal rules of engagement wearing bright red coats. The Americans fought as the native Americans and wore dull natural clothing blending into the landscape. The English had many strategies to induce fear and authority. The Americans brought passion and dreams for a better future for their children.

How many administrators tell parents of children with disabilities: “we are the professionals, we have degrees and experience”; “rules is rules”; “this is the established way we do things”; “we control the money and you have to do things our way” or “we are just doing our jobs”?

How many parents say: “we don’t care about your fancy degrees or experience”; “if a rule doesn’t make sense–change it,” “we don’t want to be ‘special’; we want our children to blend into a normalized environment” and “this is my child, and his/her future is at stake–we will challenge you with every breath in our body”.

At one point the presenters demonstrated their “Ranger” battle techniques where–if you knew what you were doing you could disable your enemy with a single movement.

The presentation was compelling and informative as doubting members of the audience were “gently” flung to the floor with one twist of the arm.

I wondered when I might be able to use some of their information when I happened upon this video.

Kick-ass Aikido

A woman with a physical disability, I’m assuming paralysis from the waist down, is able to flick off her attackers with a single arm movement. It is remarkable and looks exactly like the Ranger’s technique.

Summary:

It is so easy to get caught up in Disability World. So hard to be part of the normal world. But there are many opportunities if we look.

And, it is exciting to be with people who are not active in Disability World.

They can teach us lessons, but more importantly, help us learn about the human spirit.

I love that last month’s OVRWA meeting made me think of the professional/amateur professional/parent connection. If a rag tag group of farmers could win against the most powerful military machine of the time–there is still hope for us parents. The strategies and techniques of defeating professional soldiers, paid mercenaries, and hostile native Americans brought the two worlds together for me as I watched this woman the world would say was weak and vulnerable–ward off her attackers with the flick of her arm.

Survival strategies remain the same.

We need our vision and passion–Freedom and Liberty are still powerful motivators.

We need to continually change and adjust to the situation if we are to survive.

We need to blend into our normal environment (INCLUSION).

We need to keep learning new moves.

ps. One for the Money will be coming out this summer. Katherine Heigl is playing Stephanie Plum and Daniel Sunjata is Ranger. And there is a plot, I swear (at least in the book).

What do you think?

In the comments share your thoughts about the analogy of the American Revolution Rangers and Parents of children with disabilities? The video? Any lessons from books, recreation activities that inspire your work? Anyone want to sign up to be a Ranger? Take Aikido? Any new insights about inclusion? Any ideas about “Happy Ever After”? Any ideas about “looking at what you have left”?

Keep Climbing: Onward and Upward

All the best,

Mary

photo credit: Swamibu

2006

Aaron, my son with the labels of autism and developmental disabilities, had a doctor’s appointment so I brought him late to his adult day program.

A Visit to the Jungle—Jungle Jim’s that is.

Thanks to cell phones, I connected with his group on their community outing at Jungle Jim’s. This is a mega grocery store with a jungle theme: animated monkeys, giraffes, and other animals spread throughout the store. It’s a pretty neat place and features foods from around the world.

Like most people, Aaron and I got a grocery cart when we entered the store.

Adults with Disabilities in Large Group

We found the group–immediately.

Coming down the meat aisle, two women in their 30s were holding hands walking in front of three people in wheelchairs. Both woman had Down syndrome were about 5’6” and weighed about 200 pounds. Another man (about 50) was holding hands with a female staff person. The second staff person was pushing one of the people in wheelchairs. They did not have any shopping cart.

Gosh, I wonder how we found them so easily?

When one of the staff people saw Aaron pushing a grocery cart, she said she was surprised he had those skills and could tolerate the noise and confusion of a grocery. I assured her Aaron was fine and in fact, since he was in second grade, grocery shopping was part of his functional curriculum (click here).

Plus, when he lived at home, he went with me to the store 4-5 times a week. I expected Aaron to do well in the grocery and even expected him to participate in the shopping and make choices for the items he liked. Aaron actually met some of his former classmates at our community store (click here).

The staff person didn’t really pay attention to what I was saying. Since she was the professional in charge, and I am clearly just the mother, she politely said I could leave and she would watch Aaron (along with the other six people).

To her surprise, I smiled at her and said there was NO WAY I was going to leave. (What I actually said was a lot nicer–what I was thinking was actually not a lot nicer.)

Preschoolers

A group of preschoolers were also visiting Jungle Jim’s that day. The teacher had prearranged an instructional tour. A store employee, dressed like a jungle safari guide, was explaining how cheese comes in huge round blocks from many different countries. Even with the guide in her camouflage pants and a netted hard hat, and the teacher saying “Who can tell me what shape that is?” all the kids were gawking at our group.

Our two aides, of course, just kept herding the group of adults with disabilities down the aisle. They talked to each other about the general prejudice of our society toward people who are different, and young children who just didn’t know any better. After all, they are Christian women who care about the “least of God’s children” and they are the enlightened ones earning their crown in Heaven.

Purpose of the Grocery Trip

Unlike the preschoolers who were making the trip to the grocery an educational experience, I asked one of the aides what our group was buying at the grocery. She shrugged her shoulders and said, “Oh, it is the end of the month, we are out of funds–so we are just looking around, enjoying the air conditioning.”

Shock in Aisle 4

I was with Aaron and our group for about 15 minutes and I was on the edge of hysteria. I literally had to do calming breaths. I felt like I was in a time warp from the ‘80s. I kept thinking of the years Aaron’s occupational therapist, speech/language pathologist, physical therapist, teachers and instructional assistants taught Aaron to plan his purchases, buy items, make choices, use his picture communication book, use his wallet, push the cart without hitting anyone, maneuver around kiosks and displays set up in the middle of an aisle…. Aaron even worked at a grocery store, with his job coach, stocking shelves as part of his work transition plan.

Normalization

I also thought about everything I knew about normalization–to go to the store in small groups (no more than two) and blend into the population. To have the skills and behaviors of a consumer so you were a valued customer and respected member of the community.

I remembered Alison Ford’s presentation about, “There is so much more at the grocery store” and the Syracuse Functional Curriculum. And Marc Gold, Lou Brown and Sharon Freagon’s slides using the grocery store for a teaching environment because it was a community environment that would be used for a lifetime–multiple trials over multiple years.

Inclusion and the Jungle

One of the lessons of nature is that for animals to survive, they need to blend in, or be camouflaged into the environment. That is why polar bears are white, and alligators look like logs floating in the river. It is why the female cardinal, who carries the young, is a dull brown and her male partner is bright red to attract the attention of predators.

The history of man also tells us about the power of in and out groups. We segregate criminals in orange jumpsuits so they stand out and everyone knows there is danger. The Nazi’s forced the Jews to wear Stars of David arm bands to clearly stigmatize and identify their enemies. Police uniforms identify people who we can ask for help.

The history of people with disabilities also includes the stigma and isolation of people as being so different, so dangerous that parents would point to strangers and urge their children away.

I talk about some of these stigmas in my story about America the Beautiful (click here).

Because Aaron does not communicate like other people. Because Aaron has some bizarre behaviors. Because it takes people a while to get to know him. Because of his labels… we make sure Aaron is well groomed, wears stylish clothes and can survive by blending into existing groups.

We practice the principles of normalization and inclusion everywhere we go. We work hard to help Aaron be seen as a contributing member of the community, a valued member of a family, a friend, a loving uncle.

Like the jungle, “the survival of the fittest” belongs to those who can camouflage themselves into the natural world, or in disability-speak, be included in the community.

Tiger Mom

Obviously, none of these aides had read about this, or anything else. In fact, these loving caring aides who work for minimum wage do the job as a labor of love. They are not trying to stigmatize Aaron and his group–they just don’t know any better. They are not trying to alienate and waste the people’s time and let their skills deteriorate—they really, really, really just haven’t been trained.

So, of course, Tiger Mom took over.

That day I decided to stay and try to teach some skills. I have trained parents and teachers, I have a lifetime with Aaron so Tiger Mom went into action.

I figured the normalization lesson would have to wait because there was no way our group was ever going to blend in. (How could two aides handle seven people with significant disabilities, three who used wheelchairs?) We also did not have enough staff to divide up in small groups and spread out in the store.

Let’s Buy Something?

So I suggested, “Let’s buy something, and I will treat. What could we make for a snack? Or what do you need?” (MAKING CHOICES—giving dignity to the people.)

One person suggested we make smoothies. Great, smoothies! (That is AGE-APPROPRIATE. People of all ages like smoothies. It was hot outside so it was appropriate for the time of year.) Smoothies it is!

Task Analysis

I ask the group what ingredients we needed to make the smoothies. Each of the seven people had a particular item to find on the shelf and put in the cart Aaron was pushing (FUNCTIONAL SKILL: IF THEY DIDN’T GET THE ITEM, SOMEONE ELSE WOULD HAVE HAD TO GET IT.)

Aaron pushing the cart was a balancing and behavioral technique to keep Aaron on task and keep him from running off down the aisle. It also put Aaron in a valued position because he was needed for each item. It also required each of the people to (SOCIALLY INTERACT) with Aaron.

Teaching “Learned Helplessness”

The people with disabilities all got into it. But the kind, but totally clueless aide was doing everything for them–even putting the item in the cart for them. And, obnoxious me, I would return the item to the person, put it in their hands and ask them to put the item in the cart. (LEARNED HELPLESSNESS.) Geesh!

Since Aaron was pushing the cart, he was like the leader of the safari. He did great, but I swear, the others had either lost their skills or hadn’t had much opportunity to learn about PARTIAL PARTICIPATION and practice being an active participant in the shopping environment.

We had a hard time finding the frozen juices, but guess what? Near the ceiling, there was a big sign that said “JUICE” – which I of course, pointed out so the group could READING CONTEXT CLUES it.

The aides–actually, I don’t know what the aides were thinking—they looked at me like I was nuts to point out a sign to these people who they knew couldn’t read.

CONCLUSION

The safari ends with checkout and the group being loaded into the vans.

I let Aaron leave with the group. I said goodbye and I hoped they enjoyed their smoothies, and then… I sat in my car and cried for 20 minutes and was depressed for the next week.

All of our fight for inclusion in a regular school, fight for a functional community-based curriculum, all the research and knowledge we have acquired for the last 30 years in special education–and here is Aaron in the middle of what felt like a freak show.

Even if I tried to feel some redemption about the functional shopping experience with the outcome of them making a smoothie, and even if I tried to ignore my overstepping boundaries and staying, “Just a mother.” The low expectations (click here) and lack of skills felt hopeless. All the skills that Aaron had, and now was losing.

I haven’t resolved this. The aides were good people doing a tough job. Imagine lugging 7 adults in and out of vans, and not having the funds to buy anything on a trip to the grocery?…. but my heart just breaks for Aaron. His dream plan, years and years of work–and it is like it never happened.

Children have value and hope. The adult world has no mandates, no IEPs or due process. Where are the people who certify these programs? How can these good aides have so little support and resources?

Thanks for listening, I know you don’t have the answers either. I stopped in Aaron’s day program again yesterday and the group was making lady bugs on green construction paper leaves from a pre-school activity book. Geesh!

Deep breathe, in-out-in-out.

Lady bugs are supposed to be good luck, right?

I feel like I should end with a joke or something to lighten this up, but I feel betrayed by the paid “Professionals” in our county who know better. Where are they?

Am I really supposed to just “feel grateful” that Ohio has any programs at all, and Aaron’s developmental twin in Tennessee and South Carolina are just sitting at home doing nothing?

Of course, last year was worse and at least now, Aaron is out of the crowded back room with no windows at the sheltered workshop.

He is surrounded by kind people who care about him. It could be worse. But wow, it certainly could be better.

Keep Climbing: Onward and Upward

Mary

Please chime in:

What would you have done? Would you just watch? Would you just leave Aaron and go? Would you go back to the grocery for a bottle of scotch? Any suggestions? In this jungle, what would a “normal” shopping trip look like for the people with severe disabilities? What message do you think the preschoolers got? What would be better?

If you liked this article, please share it on Facebook, Twitter and other social media. Thanks.

“It’s NOT my Job”| Caregivers and Direct Care Staff

It is the little things that make all the difference.

For almost 11 years Aaron, my son with the label of autism, has lived with his buddy Jack with 24 hour support staff paid for by their Individual Options (IO) Medicaid Waivers.

In our dream plan and person centered planning, we imagined a caring staff who would not only help Aaron with his direct care needs, but also with community inclusion. We have had some great success stories. Some staff members have become friends and are like part of our family.

Aaron’s individual direct care people are the most important people in his life. He depends on them for everything. We depend on them for everything.

In “Dear Caregivers” Part 1, and Caregivers | Blame it on the Hose Part 2, I talked about our family’s experience with Caregivers and Direct Care Staff. I gave examples of great caregivers who go the extra mile to provide quality care to my son and others with severe disabilities.

This article is NOT about them.
This is about the “OTHER” caregivers and direct care staff.
You know what I mean by OTHER, right?

VACANT

When we brought Aaron back from vacation after Thanksgiving, we found a notice that said the mail carrier had declared the house “VACANT: no further mail delivery.”

Since the guys have lived in this house for over 10 years and there were substitute staff in the house over the holiday, we wondered what could possibly have happened.

We learned the substitute staff didn’t take the mail out of the mailbox. In addition, all the Black Friday ads, newspapers and flyers were all laying in the driveway. No one picked them up, brought them into the house or threw them in the trash. In fact, several were all wet, soggy and had tire marks on them.

Hummm. Obviously, when the mail carrier came to the house it looked unoccupied. There are a couple foreclosure houses in the neighborhood. So, s/he declared the house “Vacant.”

Over the years, I have been to many town meetings with angry neighbors who didn’t want people with disabilities to move into their neighborhood. Because the house rental agreement is in Aaron’s name, my husband and I make sure the house and yard always looks well cared for.

The only solution I can think of is next time we write up an individual service plan (ISP) for Aaron, we will have to include “Staff will pick up the mail, and newspapers from the driveway.”

TURN ON CHRISTMAS LIGHTS

Aaron loves the Christmas lights and decorations on the tree. The first year he moved into his house, Grandma gave him her tree and we gave him all the special ornaments we had saved since he was a baby. Our family tradition was to give him one new ornament each St. Nick’s day to start the season. He had ornaments from us, from his brother and family members, from his teachers and school mates. Some were bought, some were homemade. Aaron loved to take the ornaments in one hand and flip them with his other hand.

Every year our dear caregiver would put up the tree around Thanksgiving. We really appreciated it. Since Aaron spends the majority of his time sitting on the couch in the living room, we felt he could at least enjoy seeing the Christmas tree with familiar ornaments.

Aaron is at the mercy of the staff

Nine out of the ten times we went to pick Aaron up or drop him off, the Christmas tree was never lit. The cord was on the floor and required bending over to plug it into the wall. We even offered to get a longer extension cord if that was an issue. But, even though the staff knew we were coming, they would just sit on the couch directly across from Aaron, and the tree would not be lit.

Next ISP will need to read, “From Thanksgiving until Christmas Day, staff will turn the lights on the Christmas tree from 6 PM to 9:30 PM. so Aaron can look at the lights.”

NOTE: I was going to give a lot of other examples, but this depresses me too much and I think you get the idea.

Taking RISKS

I’m expecting that sharing these stories will come back to haunt me. The agency will give this as an example of how we don’t appreciate their staff. They will probably say exposing stories like this, which are based on my actual experiences, are exactly why no one wants to work with Aaron. Not only is he a tough kid, but his parents are impossible, ungrateful people who are the problem.

In my personal and professional experience, many agencies SAY they want parents to be involved, but they really don’t. They would rather work with people with autism and developmental disabilities who have no parent involvement, no advocates, no one who would ever question what they are doing.

Parent Involvement

Many agencies say they want parent involvement–but what they want are parents who will just tell them they are saints and wonderful. Many agencies just want parents who will raise money for them and advocate to the state and county for increased rates.

I know people with disabilities who have family members who seldom see them. This is so incredibly sad. I used to think it was all the family members fault. Not anymore. It takes persistence and determination to keep on keeping on.

I cannot begin to tell you how hard it is to work with some of these staff people. Tom (my husband) and I have documented staff members who disobeyed the laws and agency rules. Sometimes, to the agencies credit, they did remove them: some smoked in the house, some left Aaron in hot cars while they went inside a store, some yelled at Aaron, some had cars that weren’t safe, some refused to clean bathrooms until the entire house smelled like urine, some asked us for money, some didn’t speak English, some came from different cultures and only thought of themselves–not Aaron.

If some of this sounds prejudiced. So be it!

Staff people have said to me: “But I don’t brush my teeth twice a day, why would I have to brush Aaron’s twice a day.” “I don’t use shampoo when I wash my hair.” “In my culture, we don’t give baths every day.” “I come from a country where it is always hot. So I need the furnace to be set on 80 degrees”–even though this made Aaron sick. The list goes on forever….

First Hand Experiences

I am pouring out my heart here. I couldn’t make up these stories. I guarantee each of these examples actually happened to us. They are all first hand experiences. I hope that by putting them on paper they will begin a discussion about how people like Aaron, who have severe disabilities, can get a better quality of life. That life depends on excellent caring direct care staff and caregivers. They have an important and difficult job. The good caring staff are more precious than gold. We love them and cherish them. We try and support them every way we can.

The OTHERS… well, they can still be nice people with good intentions. We hope they find a job they can love and do well…but not with Aaron.

Keep Climbing: Onward and Upward

Mary

Please Comment:

What would you do if this was your child? What do you think Aaron is feeling when he can’t talk or physically do what he wants to do? What would help? Do schools and adult service agencies really want parent involvement? Are parents just ungrateful?

If you this might help someone, please Tweet it, send it to LinkedIn, Facebook or other social media. Maybe you want to invite other parents to join us and tell their stories.

Twas the Night Before Christmas

“Toyland, toyland, magical girl and boy land. Once you cross its borders, you can never return again.” (Babes in Toyland)

There’s No Santa

Aaron and Tommy got off the school bus and our world changed.

Tommy walked in the front door, threw his backpack in the corner and announced “There’s no Santa Claus.” Apparently, Billy and Josh minced no words on the bus ride home. And, they were third graders who knew these things.

Aaron, my son with the label of autism, went straight to the refridge.

But what is a mother to do?

I got Aaron settled with a snack and his music and then sat next to Tommy on the couch. We both were facing the Christmas tree and feeling pretty glum when he crawled into my lap. That action alone choked me with tears. Tommy was seven years old and seldom let me hold him on my lap any more–yet another reminder my baby was growing up.

His happy world was just turned upside-down.

Like all parents, I knew this moment would come. And, I wanted to send coal to Billy and Josh for ruining the fun.

I knew this was one of those rite-of-passages, a transformational moment in his young life–but darn. It seemed just yesterday he was three and running down the steps on Christmas morning, diving into the presents from Santa–darn, darn.

For a long time, we watched the reflection of the lights on the tree ornaments and didn’t say anything.

It was a treasured moment but I was desperately trying to think of how to keep the magic. How could I patch up the hole of a Santa that no longer was real?

Sure we’ve had some close calls, i.e. St. Nick and the Batman socks. But this time, there was no going back.

Tommy finally started talking and asked some questions. He said he had suspicions because the whole Santa-goes-around-the-world-in-one-night is a little hard to believe. But, but, but.

There were the things he said: “So there’s no Easter Bunny, or Tooth Fairy…?” “Was God real?”

And the things he didn’t say: “Did all adults lie, trick kids and play games with them?” “Who could he now trust?”

I tried to put myself into his world and think of ways he might understand. My explanation that Santa was a make-believe superhero bombed. Later, I could talk about Jesus and the gifts of the Magi, but that seemed abstract for the current moment.

Changing Roles

I’m not sure what inspired me, but as Tommy sat in my arms with his chin on his chest, I suggested Santa was a tradition about giving.

“The Santa tradition” was a fun way for everyone to be an actor in a giant real life magic play. It didn’t matter your age, it was about finding someone who needed cheering up, or needed help and giving it to them.

I told him little kids didn’t understand this, but big kids like him, now got to be part of the fun by becoming a Secret Santa to others. This seemed to make sense to Tommy.

Okay, who could we surprise? Who needed some Christmas cheer?

Tommy’s grandparents had just separated after a long and unhappy marriage. Grandpa had moved into a basement apartment in a not-so-great neighborhood and told the family, “This year I’m keeping it simple and not putting up a Christmas tree.”

So that minute, Tommy started to plan a Christmas makeover for Grandpa’s apartment. Tommy decided to become a Secret Santa.

Secret Santa

For the next few days, Tommy spent every minute making decorations, planning how to sneak into Grandpa’s apartment, going shopping for supplies and a small tree….

He decided we needed cookies and put me and Aaron to work.

Age-Appropriate

Aaron was nine years old. If Tommy (two years younger) no longer believed in Santa, then it was no longer age-appropriate for Aaron to believe in Santa either. Tommy was always my measure of “normalization” for Aaron.

I know some parents who, when they are told their child has severe intellectual disabilities or Down syndrome or…console themselves, “Well, at least they will always believe in Santa Claus.”

I know parents, special needs charity groups, care providers and teachers who take adults with disabilities to sit on Santa’s lap at the mall. In groups. UGH!

I know some adults with disabilities who have flat-out refused to go saying it embarrassed them. I know others who do it just to please others. I know some adults with disabilities who just haven’t had the guidance to know better.

The RULE for age-appropriate and normalization is: “Would a person without a disability do this?” “Will this activity add or subtract to a person’s positive image in the community?”

In this case, an adult with a disability sitting on Santa’s lap in the mall makes them seem like an “eternal child” not an adult who will live and work as a contributing member to the community.

This is a difficult concept for a lot of people. But this was the right move for Aaron and our family.

Grandpa’s Surprise

On Christmas Eve Tommy, Aaron, Tom and I got the key to Grandpa’s apartment and put on our red Santa hats. In under an hour, we decorated the tree, put holiday towels in the bathroom and kitchen, added colorful plants and pillows to his living room and his favorite snacks in the fridge. Tommy posted his drawings all over the apartment with a note next to a plate of sugar cookies:

Dear Al,

I heard you were a good boy this year.

Happy Christmas.

Love,

Secret Santa

Babes in Toyland

Tommy glowed as he locked Grandpa’s door. As we got into the sleigh (er, car) we giggled, reviewed our Christmas caper, sang carols and drove out of sight.

When we stopped for burgers and fries (even Secret Santas have to eat) Tommy decided to continue wearing his Santa hat. Aaron–not so much. But my babes had transformed.

There was still Santa and giving and Christmas. But they were no longer the “Babes in Toyland.”

From now on, Mom’s IEP for the holidays would have to include our new roles as Secret Santas.

Over the next years, more innocence would be lost. There would be new lessons and transformations–but that is all part of growing and learning. It is all part of the magic of being a child. Being a parent. And, all part of the Santa Tradition.

Keep Climbing: Onward and Upward

Mary

Share your Santa story:

How did you find out about Santa Claus? What are some of the ways you continue the tradition of giving? Any Secret Santa stories? Any thoughts on normalization and age-appropriate?

photo credit: Holtsman

Aaron’s Building Community Mix

Making New Friends

In my previous post: St. Nick| Community Building and Batman Socks, I talked about using the folk-story Stone Soup to begin a discussion about differences, scarcity, gifts and building a community.

To avert our St. Nick kindergarten disaster, the next day I brought in the ingredients for our Building Community Mix.

With other groups, I’ve made stone soup in a crock pot or adapted the activity in a couple different ways. One time, I had everyone bring in a piece of fruit and we made a community fruit salad. But the biggest success was always making Community Building Mix.

Each of the children participated and added their ingredient into our community pot–which was a large empty popcorn tin. Each student took a turn stirring and then rolling the tin to “cook” the ingredients. We shared our “Soup” and filled an extra baggie to give to a stranger, a child they didn’t know that attended our school.

The actual recipe is just a takeoff of ole Trail Mix.

It becomes a community building activity when each person in the group brings in one ingredient for a shared experience of working together.

I have used this activity with all age groups: pre-schoolers, special education students, Boy Scouts, university students, teachers, senior citizens…. A friend even used it with her Ladies’ Church Group as their culminating activity of friendship and sharing after a month long Bible Study.

It has also worked well for many holidays: Halloween, Thanksgiving, Birthdays, Summer Camp…

Great Holiday Gift Idea

It also works great as a homemade gift.

Aaron, my son who has the label of autism and intellectual disabilities, gave this as his annual teacher gift (one to each of his teachers, school secretaries, bus drivers, job coaches, therapists….). Since we wanted to include and thank as many people as possible, and have the gift be something that would enhance Aaron’s status as a person with skills and talents, this was perfect.

Twenty years later, his high school teacher still talks about “the mix.” It was a great way of thanking all the people in Aaron’s school or work community. And he got to be an active part of making it.

Partial Participation

In a related post I talked about how Tommy and Aaron “partially participated” in making Halloween treats.

Aaron

Aaron would “partially participate” by picking out the items at the grocery (his favorite were M&Ms), dumping the ingredients into the large popcorn tin. (Tape the lid on the tin.) He would roll the tin around to mix it up. Aaron would also help put the sticker: Aaron’s Holiday Mix on the top of the small holiday tin containers, snack bag, paper cups or plastic containers.

Tommy

Tommy would also help pick out the ingredients in the store (he favored Skittles). His job was to help stop Mom and Aaron from eating the M&Ms, as well as scooping the mix with a large ladle into the containers.

Since Aaron had fine motor issues and Tommy had great fine motor skills this worked out well. Each of the boys got to use their skills to make the mix.

Building Community Snack Mix

Box of Granola
Package of Mixed Dried Fruit Bits (found near the raisins in the grocery)
Raisins
Can of nuts
Pretzels, broken
M & M’s, chocolate chips, or Skittles
Other ingredients could be marshmallows, coconut, peanut butter chips, white chocolate, popcorn, cheese fish or crackers….

Invite your friends over and ask each to bring one ingredient.

Get out your biggest bowl, or put in a large popcorn tin (tape it shut). Combine all ingredients by shaking or stirring. Ladle into paper cups, plastic baggies, or in bowls. This is a great recipe for lunch snacks, parties, and teacher’s gifts. The mixed dried fruit bits are the magic ingredient.

Add Your Comments:

Have you used any similar experiences to build friendships, share gifts? Have you used “partial participation” to include others with various levels of skills? Is this an activity you can use?

Keep Climbing: Onward and Upward

All my best, Mary

Isn't this cute, I'll save it forever

Hand-Print Turkeys

The first time Aaron brought home a hand-print turkey he was 3 years old and I thought it was adorable.

HOWEVER

When Aaron was 25 years old and brought home the same hand-print turkey, I was livid.

Kill the Turkey!

What’s the difference? Same kid, same activity. Why is one turkey a treasure, another only fit for the garbage?

The difference is the educational and philosophical debate between “developmentally age-appropriate” and “chronologically age-appropriate” activities for people with autism and developmental disabilities.

In a previous post, I introduced Dr. Lou Brown’s ecological assessment tool the “Life Space Analysis” (click here) This planning tool for people with disabilities helps identify the when, where, who and what fills a person’s day and gives clues on a person’s quality of life–though this tool can be useful for all of us.

1970s: The Birth of Special Education

Back in the 70s when IDEA was passed and people with disabilities first got the right to go to public school, everyone was trying to figure out how people with disabilities learned? What were the appropriate activities and curriculum? If you want more information about this time period click here: Parallels in Time II.”

Dr. Lou Brown and his colleagues found adolescents and adults across the country playing with infant toys. The “what” in their Life Space Analysis consisted of meaningless activities repeated every day like: coloring, stacking blocks, putting colored rings on tubes, playing with wooden puzzles and generally keeping Fisher Price in business.

The rationale was these students were eternal children. It didn’t make any difference what they did. There were no expectations. They had low IQs and were functioning at a preschool or early childhood developmental level. So teachers used materials and activities matching the student’s developmental levels. For example: If a person had an IQ of 50 and a developmental age of 5.2 (6 years and 2 months), then the person with the disability should do activities that matched what a normal 5.2 month old child would do. It didn’t matter if the “child” was actually 19 or 35, or 70 in chronological years.

2010: Adult Services

I have to admit, I thought the idea of developmental age was long dead. Aaron went to public school and had plans for his future as an adult (click here). He had a functional community based curriculum, he had a transition plan, and he had work experiences. Plus, the research in the whole field of special education and adult services, strongly supports the idea of chronologically age-appropriate activities.

So, again: What’s the Problem?

In my recent round of looking at adult day care for people with disabilities and the elderly, I have been shocked out of my mind to find rooms with Fisher Price toys. I know the toys are indestructible, but come on. They are NOT AGE-Appropriate! If the toy package says ages 3-6, then if you are over 6 years old, it is not age-appropriate.

Schools vs. Adult Day Care

The difference between best practice in the schools and best practice in adult services is the fact that the staff and teachers are licensed. They have training and have studied the research literature about best practices. They have done student teaching and got first hand experiences under mentor teachers.

The people who run and work in the adult day care systems are lovely people who have high school diploma’s (or GEDs) and because the job pays little more than minimum wage, they get no inservice, no vision of what CAN happen. They have the reality of too many people with disabilities, not enough help, and no training. So making preschool turkeys, or paper plate pilgrims makes sense to them. The materials are cheap and the activity matches their developmental ages.

Thankful?

Being Thankful

I am thankful Aaron has some place to go during the day. (Some states have nothing and the people sit at home.)

I am thankful these kind people don’t abuse and hurt Aaron.

I am thankful they take him to the bathroom, wipe up his messes, help him eat his lunch, and do their best.

But, they send home a paper plate bunny, toilet paper firecracker, macaroni Santa… And I am not thankful.

I don’t have an answer. I have tried to send in more age-appropriate materials and resources. I have tried to show alternative activities. And they are not thankful.

Comments:

What do you think? Is my age-appropriate rant just silly? What do you think I should do the next time Aaron brings home a preschool craft? Do you think the types of activities makes a difference to the people with disabilities?

If this makes sense and you want to spread the word, please retweet or link to Facebook. We have a whole lot of people to reach before the Christmas and holiday crafts begin.

I would be thankful.

Keep Climbing: Onward and Upward

Mary

Brown, L., Branston, M., Hamre Nietupski, S., Pumpian, I., Certo, N. & Gruenewald, L. (1979). A Strategy for Developing Chronological Age Appropriate and Functional Curricular Content For Severely Handicapped Adolescents and Young Adults. Journal of Special Education, 13(1), 81 – 90.

Dr. Lou Brown

What is a Life Space Analysis?

Most of us spend our lives trying to squeeze in just one more email, appointment, phone call or…. We dream of the day we can have nothing to do. But is that really what we want?

James Chartrand recently encouraged Freelance Writers to read the book 168 hours: You have more time than you think (click here) by Laura Vanderkam. This book is to help “normal,” busy people look at their day in 15 minute segments and find more time for their goals and quality of life.

Twenty-five years ago in 1984, Dr. Lou Brown et al. of the University of Wisconsin-Madison developed The “Life Space Analysis” which has similar exercises to the 168 hours book. Is this a coincidence?

When people ask me, “What’s the purpose of the lives of people with severe disabilities?” (Like why should we let them live and use up our resources?) I have many responses (depending on my mood and who they are…) but sometimes I will answer: “People with autism and severe disabilities can take the complicated out of life. We can see life’s secrets because they help us think about basic truths we don’t usually think about.”

I think this is the beauty of the “Life Space Analysis.” It makes us see what a person with autism’s life actually looks like.  It gets to normalization (click here) and core values:

     *  Is it important to know how each person spends their day?

     *  Is it important to have a circle of friends and variety of people in our lives?

     *  Is it important that people get to go into the community and are not in one room for 24 hours, 365 days a year?

     *  Does a person with severe intellectual disabilities, autism and/or other developmental disabilities know the difference?

Life Space Analysis

The Life Space Analysis evaluation tool looks at the 24 hours in the life of a person with autism and/or disabilities:

* What was the person doing every 15-30 minutes?

* Who else was with them?

* Where did this take place?

*  Does this schedule stay the same every day and weekend?

For more information on this topic read the transcript of a presentation by Dr. Brown (click here).

Over the years, this has been a useful evaluation tool for my son Aaron who has the label of autism and severe disabilities.

When I wanted to show exactly how my son Aaron’s day consists of mostly sitting on the couch, licking books, and repeating “You Okay?”, I’d get a consultant to conduct an ecological assessment using the Life Space Analysis. We’ve had some great consultants over the years: Alison Ford, Patrick Schwartz and Wade Hitzing, as well as some local folks.

School Environments

When Aaron was school age, the “what, where, who” was pretty normal: a licensed teacher had the responsibility for planning Aaron’s day around a curriculum and his IEP goals. There was a process, accountability, best practice standards and a qualified team to make things work.

There was the normal rhythm of the school environment: bus rides, classes, specials like gym, art, music. There was the lunchroom, students in the halls, lockers, homeroom, weight training, therapy, and vocational job training around the school and in the community….

We had an excellent functional curriculum that looked at Aaron’s domains (click here). There were also after-school activities like basketball games, track and cross-country….

There were meaningful activities that filled the day, there were people who knew Aaron over a long time and had expectations that he grow and learn, and there were many rooms–spaces in the school, home, community. When Aaron was in school, he was on no medications.

Lou Brown used to say, “The more rooms, the more people in a person’s life–the more interesting that life will be.”

Adult Environments

Last week when my husband Tom and I were taking the tours of possible adult day programs for Aaron. One of the things we instinctively looked for was the “who, what and where.” What were the number of rooms? The number of people? and, What was happening in each of these environments? All the components of the Life Space Analysis.

Our “Life Space Analysis”

We went through several places, but here is the last center we visited:

The woman giving our tour had worked with Aaron 10 years ago when he was in transition from High School. She was a trained teacher and job coach. It was a vocational job and Aaron had a great experience. We were thrilled this woman might be back in Aaron’s life. She would know what he was like before he started to lose his skills and regress. Maybe she would be our ticket to getting Aaron a day filled with meaningful activities and people who cared about him?

Spaces-Rooms

The staff in this large center was especially proud of their “sensory room” where four people were watching a large 3-D movie on a big screen.

There were other rooms: a fenced “outdoor area,” an “art room” where they made and sold ceramic ornaments. There was a “cooking room” with kitchen appliances.

There was a large multi-purpose activity room where they had a party the day before.

We were told every day 6 vans took people out into the community in small groups to swimming, the Y, the park, shopping…. That sounded pretty good.

Aaron in this Environment

Tom and I were trying to imagine what this environment would mean for our son Aaron, who is 35 and has the label of autism. What did our Life Space Analysis tell us?

For over an hour, we visited the different rooms in the center, but there were only staff people in all these areas. Which struck us as odd.

All the “clients” (8-10 people with disabilities) were clustered in each of the 4 day “classrooms.” So around 40 or so people were there that day, all in those 4 rooms and the rest of the building was basically empty.

We only went in one of the classes, but we saw adults making halloween pumpkins–just like every pre-school in the country. NOT age-appropriate.

Most people were just sitting at the table doing nothing. One girl was talking in such a high pitch voice, it hurt your ears. This was a concern.

What would Aaron’s day look like?

When we asked what Aaron’s day would look like, we found out only the most capable people, who could be semi-independent, were allowed to go the the art and outdoor areas because they needed little supervision.

People like Aaron would only go to the art room… once in a while. But they couldn’t make any promises.

If Aaron was interested in going swimming at the Y, he might get to do it one time a month. But they couldn’t make any promises.

He would get to go to the sensory room with his group, and they had some music instruments that might be interesting to Aaron, but many of the other people liked the quiet and watching movies on the big movie screen. So again, they couldn’t make any promises.

There were also two empty rooms at the center. They were thinking of developing them when they got the funds for new furniture: “Maybe a place for people to come and eat lunch, maybe a microwave where they could fix their own lunches.” But, no promises.

In summary:

All the advances of the last 35 years, everything we have learned about people with autism and severe disabilities in special education programs and the research of best practice is not being used.

Aaron, unless some miracle happens, will continue to lose the precious skills we have all worked so hard to create.

The staff does not have the training or resources to be able to replicate the school programs Aaron and the other “clients” experienced. They could go and see these programs in action. Aaron’s High School teacher has repeatedly invited Aaron’s staff to visit and the school is only a couple miles away.

Tom and I both concluded this particular program was not going to work for Aaron.

We talked about just bringing Aaron home, me volunteering every day in the center (but they wouldn’t listen to me if I was there). So, what to do?

Dejectedly, we called our care coordinator to schedule another visit to yet another center… and then good news.

The care coordinator talked to the director of another program where Aaron would receive a one-on-one staff person for 3 days a week. A Reprieve. A bit of Hope.

If you are concerned about your child’s, or your own quality of life, look at the activities, people, and rooms in your lives. Maybe the ecological assessment, Life Space Analysis would help.

Speak Your Mind: Please leave your ideas in the comments.

Do you think the Life Space Analysis tool would be useful for people with autism and/or developmental disabilites?

Would it (or the 168 hours book) be useful for your own life?

Can you see the difference between having a life with too much to do, contrasted with a life with days and days of nothing to do?

Can we just sit and watch our children lose skills and deteriorate as adults?

Can we be satisfied with our own lives if we just sit and do nothing?

Keep Climbing: Onward and Upward

All my best,

Mary

Brown, L., Shiraga, B., York, J., Zanella, K. & Rogan, P. (1984). A Life Space Analysis Strategy for Students with Severe Intellectual Disabilities. L.Brown, M. Sweet, B. Shiraga, J. York, K. Zanella, P. Rogan & R. Loomis (Eds). Educational Programs for Students with Severe Handicaps, Vol XIV. Madison: MMSD.

And the difference is…

The Life Space Analysis for Aaron would show there is little for Aaron to do, few people to be with, no expectations that things could be better in his life and the life of people with severe disabilities who were in this center.

Aaron and 4 Generations of Family

“If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.” – Jim Rohn

In Part 1: 1981 Aaron was 6 years old and we outlined a vision of what a happy, successful quality of life would look like for Aaron as an adult. (click here).

In Part 2: 1989, Aaron was 14 years old and we were moving forward. The Plan was updated to take into account the changes in our family, but also the changes in special education, disability services and the world. (click here)

In Part 3: 1998 Aaron is 23 years old and moving out of his parent’s house into his own place with a roommate and 24 hour assistance from caregivers. (Click here)

In Part 4: 2010:

How did we do?

All Dream Plans were built on the concepts of family, community, normalization and inclusion.

Original 1981 Dream Plan for Aaron

Aaron will be educated in a public school with his non-handicapped brother and neighbors. He will have a functional curriculum (see related post) which looks at his needs in his life spaces (vocational, leisure/recreation, domestic, general community functioning). His out-of-school activities will evolve around his family and his own friends, interests and talents. He will be in age-appropriate settings: elementary school ages 5-10; Jr. High ages 11-13, Sr. High ages 14-21, job in the community 21+. He will begin vocational training now, at age 6, so he will be able to perform the job. (If he isn’t able to be a dishwasher, then he can be a dishwasher’s helper, etc… there is some job he will be able to do with success.) At the appropriate time, Aaron will move to a group home to live with others his age. Though dependent in many ways, Aaron will have self-esteem and confidence in the things he does and be a contributor to his family, his extended family, and society.

Current 2010 Dream Plan for Aaron

Aaron was educated in a public school with his brother and the neighbors. After we won our lawsuit with Cincinnati Public Schools, the school district was vindictive and since Tom (Aaron and Tom’s father) was a teacher in the district we decided to move to Lakota School District. Aaron rode the bus to school with the neighborhood kids, he received a functional community based program with some excellent teachers and therapists who used best practice. His out-of-school activities evolved around his family and his own friends, interests and talents. Aaron went to the prom with his friend Jenni, he was on the Jr. High Track and Cross Country team where he earned school letters, he rode horses, swam, went to camp and took summer vacations with his family. He went to family reunions, holiday parties and the high school basketball and football games. He was on an inclusive bowling team and made some friends with the Baseball Team players. He was in the Key Club and had a circle of friends. He received extended school year services. He attended graduation (see related article) and had a celebration for all his family and friends. Aaron went to age-appropriate schools and had a job coach to help him in his job at the police station (vacuuming) and amusement park (watering plants) when he left school. When Aaron was 23 he moved into a house with another person (though he was older) and they have lived together for over 12 years. Aaron is still totally dependent but he has self-esteem and confidence in the things he does. He is loved and is a contributor to his family which now includes a niece and sister-in-law as well as his extended family of grandma and cousins. Aaron votes and is a consumer in our society.

Each one of these sentences is filled with years of work and advocacy. There are a whole lot of buts, buts, and more buts that happened when Aaron turned 21 that we didn’t foresee at age 6….

But considering the mountain we climbed to achieve all of the goals—WE DID IT!

1981 Dream Plan for Tommy

Tommy will be educated in a public school with his handicapped brother and neighbors. He will have a functional curriculum which looks at the needs in his life spaces, (academic, vocational, leisure/recreation, domestic, general community functioning). His out-of-school activities will evolve around his family, his own friends, interests, and talents. He will be in age-appropriate settings. He will make a career choice and pursue training (vocational, university, apprentice…). At a time he decides is appropriate, Tommy will move to his own home, probably marry and begin his own family. He will have self-esteem and confidence in the things he does and be a contributor to his family, his extended family and society.

Current 2010 Dream Plan for Tommy

Tommy went to school with his brother and neighbors. He had a functional curriculum that met his needs. He participated in wrestling, theater, cross-country and track, he went to all the school functions. He was in age-appropriate settings and shadowed adults in careers he was interested in. He began a couple career directions and graduated from Morehead State University with a job in the telecommunications field. He is now a Radio Frequency Engineer working on the new G4 systems. His work experience includes setting up the telecommunications for the Super Bowl and NASCAR events. His bride, Ana, is from Brazil and now they have a baby girl who is 18 months old. Tommy sees Aaron and his extended family every week. He is remodeling his house with his friend. He has self-esteem and confidence in the things he does and is a contributor to his family, his extended family and society.

Tommy is on his own. He has his own responsibilities and we help him every way we can. He is interdependent only because he wants to be. Now he makes his own dream plans for himself and his family. Here is a related article about Tommy and Aaron (Click here)

Aaron… well another post we’ll talk about life after age 22 and adult services.

Comments:

How are Aaron and Tommy’s dream plans different? At age 6 and age 22 and age 35? How did they turn out? Were they much different than the plans your parents made for you? Much different than you make for yourself? What would you say is the lesson?

Keep Climbing: Onward and Upward
All the best,

Mary