Going to the family reunion, or not?

My cousin rented her local swim club and invited all 26 cousins and their families for our annual family reunion. She scheduled it on a Saturday when many of my cousins would be in town. She is working hard to keep our large family together, and give our children and grandchildren some of the same fun family times we had when we were growing up. Cousin Terri is offering a gift to our family.

So, will we go, or not?

Even though our son Aaron has the label of autism and developmental disabilities, we try to include him in our family activities. Now that he is almost 37 years old, we have gotten pretty good at the extra planning and preparation to make sure all turns out well.

Today I want to focus on ecological assessment. Drs. Lou Brown, Alison Ford, Anne Donnellan et al. from the University of Wisconsin Madison introduced this concept years ago and it has made a huge difference in how I look at the world. I’m not using their fancy checklists but I’m hoping to show how to analyze and gain control of the environment we are going to visit. In this case, a local swim club.

Ecological Assessment with Commentary:


There is a great neighborhood swim club. You’ve seen hundreds like it. The swim lanes, the three lifeguards, the signs telling the kids not to run…. It is the same swimming pool our family enjoyed 40 years ago when we were teeny-boppers dripping Popsicles and walking around hoping our swim suits didn’t make us look fat. (Oh, to only be as “fat” as I was when I was 12.)

Aaron likes the water and is a pretty good swimmer. Last reunion, my husband Tom and my brother Steve played beach ball with him and stayed close, so he will be safe. If we lather him with sunscreen his fair skin and freckles will be protected from burning. Aaron will probably only stay in the water for about a half hour or so. The exercise will be wonderful for him and he will sleep well that night. (Because Aaron swims with his mouth open, he might swallow a lot of water and then wet the bed later that night. We will make sure he gets up a couple times at night and we do have a double mattress pad protector.)


There are two separate restrooms and changing facilities. They have shower curtain doors so I would be able to take Aaron in and change him. It is a typical swim club restroom, so I might have to bring in a chair so Aaron could sit down. I could change him and then he could go out to Tom while I change. We would bring Aaron in his swim suit, so we would only have to change him once. We will give him yogurt in the morning and hopefully he will have his BM before we go. I’ll have an extra set of clothes in case of emergencies.


Aaron eats most anything so the pot luck buffet will be great. Cousin Ray will grill hamburgers…. I will bring something that doesn’t require any work. I’ll make sure it is in a throw-away container so we won’t have to worry about bringing it home—maybe some frozen fruit cups or fruit-on-skewers so everyone can grab it and not even have to worry about a spoon. Those have been big hits in the past. Or, I’ll get real summer daze lazy and I’ll just go buy some cookies.
Aaron will need to eat at a table. I’ll bring some folding chairs. We’ll try and feed him close to his usual 5:30 meal time. Between Tom and me, we can cut up his food and make sure he is comfortable. Usually he sits by Grandma, so we can make sure both of them are okay. He can have one soft drink, and I’ll bring some bottled water.


We’ll bring some books and his baseball cards and make sure he isn’t too crowded at the table. We’ll make sure Aaron is in a spot where he can watch everyone and everything that is going on. When he seems tired or agitated we’ll leave. We’ll make sure someone is with him at all times but trade off so we can talk to some of the relatives.


This post is to show what an ecological or environment assessment looks like. Most parents do the same thing for their babies, their children, their older family members. It’s really not that different–just thinking ahead, planning and being prepared.

If we really want Aunt Lizzie there, or Great Grandma Stella then there are little things we gladly do to modify the environment and accommodate their needs. For instance, Great Grandma Stella will surely take out her teeth after dinner and they will get misplaced. So we will assign someone to make sure and put them in a safe place. (This is an urban legend in our family.)

Same with Aaron–just add, subtract, and/or change a couple extra things to make him feel comfortable.

We have been to this swim club before, if we hadn’t, we would have gone a couple days before and scouted it out. Most people don’t like surprises or change. It is not a coincidence that major chain stores like Krogers or WalMart are all laid out the same way. Each of us like knowing the lay-of-the-land. There is comfort in familiarity.

We still haven’t decided if we are going to the family reunion or not.

Part 2 will look at the family reunion through the eyes of Social Systems Theory (don’t worry, it’s not as boring as it sounds). http://climbingeverymountain.com/going-to-the-family-reunion-or-not-part-2-the-circles-of-life/

In the comments below share some of the modifications and accommodations your family uses to make sure the oldest, the youngest and all the relatives in-between have their needs met at a family reunion?

Keep Climbing: Onward and Upward
All my best,

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