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Posts Tagged ‘language’

Language of the Heart| Heartaches and Heartsongs

Big Heart of Art - 1000 Visual Mashups
Creative Commons License photo credit: qthomasbower

In the post: Caring Community| People First Language we talked about the power of labels, negative stereotypes and the paradigm shift of looking at all people as PEOPLE First!

Today, on Valentine’s Day, I am asking you to think about how you use words:

Do my words cause Heartaches?
Do my words cause Heartsongs?

What are you doing?

WHAT are you doing?

What ARE you doing?

What are YOU doing?

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!!!!

The same words can be said in anger or with gentle concern.
The speaker, the listener, the context of the communication, as well as the intent all make a difference.

Parents, Teachers, Coworkers, Friends, Enemies… We have all been misunderstood and misinterpreted. We have all wished we could swallow what came out of our mouths–take back our words. We have all been both aggressors and victims and have given heartaches as well as heartsongs.

HEARTACHES: “What’s that mess on your shirt?”
HEARTSONGS: “I see you have paint on your shirt.”
————————————————————-

HEARTACHES: “NO!”
HEARTSONGS: “Let’s talk about this before you decide.”
————————————————————

HEARTACHES: “Get over here right now!”
HEARTSONGS: “I need you with me.”
————————————————————-

HEARTACHES: “I told you so.”
HEARTSONGS: “That was harder than you thought.”
—————————————————————

In the comment section, let’s share some ideas on how you could make each of the following examples into either a heartache, or a heartsong?

Scenarios: Heartaches or Heartsongs.

1. Sara is eating breakfast. The bus is coming in 5 minutes. She spills her juice while reaching for the cereal.

What could you say that would cause a heartache?

What could you say that would cause a heartsong?

2. Ken wants to help his friend wash the car. He accidentally squirts him with the hose.

What could you say that could cause a heartache?

What could you say that could cause a heartsong?

3. Emily comes home from work. When asked about her day, she begins to cry and says, “Jim doesn’t like me.”

What could you say that could cause a heartache?

What could you say that could cause a heartsong?

By speaking with your heart, you may be able to bring out the very best in people. Give them a chance to talk. Listen patiently.

And of course, there is always the quote: “I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” But we’ll save that for another post.

I’m wishing you a day filled with heartsongs. May you have many opportunities to give them and to receive them. Spread the love.

Keep Climbing: Onward and Upward
All my love,

Mary

Comments:

Do you have any examples of heartaches, heartsongs?
Heartaches turned into heartsongs?
Use the examples above, or share some from your own experiences.

Adapted from Project Prepare, Ohio (1995)

Bulletin Board| Stop the “R” word, Wolfensberger dies

READING THE NEWS in OLD CHINA --  Hats and Hairstyles of All Descriptions
Creative Commons License photo credit: Okinawa Soba

Bulletin Board

Today and Everyday is “Stop the ‘R’ word” Day.

Parents, Advocates and Schools around the country are joining in.

Many people are always complaining that the world is too complex –there is nothing they can do.

Stop the “R” word Challenge

YOU can make a difference by choosing respectful language in your own conversations. Doable, Yea!

If you have a story, please share it in the comments.

Here are the articles I have posted on this topic as well as some information on Rosa’s Law which was passed last year to take the words “retarded” out of all public documents. This is more than just being politically correct, it is a step toward seeing people with intellectual disabilities as being “human.”

Love-not labels| Rosa’s Law

Retarded No More

The “R” word| A Challenge to Bloggers

Definitions of the word “Retarded”

Building Community| Using People First Language

Wolf Wolfensberger

Father of Normalization and Citizen Advocacy

Wolf

Wolfensberger

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

On February 27, 2011 Wolf Wolfensberger died.

Since 1973, Dr. Wolfensberger had been a professor in the School of Education at Syracuse University. His enormous contributions to the disability community will be felt for generations to come.  
 
Dr. Wolfensberger was the originator of Social Role Valorization, the Normalization Principle as well as Citizen Advocacy: major concepts that strongly influenced disability policy and practice in the US and Canada.
 
He was widely recognized as a major contributor to the field of intellectual and developmental disabilities in the 20th century had a reputation for being a stirring and controversial speaker.
 
He was the author and co-author of more than 40 books and monographs, and more than 250 chapters and articles. His writing has been translated into 11 languages.
 
His best known books were: Changing Patterns in Residential Services for the Mentally Retarded, The Principle of Normalization, PASS, and PASSING (Evaluation tools for programs to meet the principles of Normalization).