Amazing News: A House and Roommate| Part 12
Miracles Do Happen:
Last week, a non-profit agency bought a house near our home. They will accept Aaron’s HUD housing choice rent voucher.
Today, we met with a young man and his mother and we think we found a roommate match.
Miracle Triangle:
House/HUD–Roommate–Residential Staff
For those of you who have been following our journey to move Aaron, our son with the label of autism, home to our county, this is Part 12. You know how complex and difficult this has been. Here is the link to Part 11: 1st miracle| Aaron needs a Roommate| Part 11.
Even with the two miracles, don’t breathe yet. But we now have two pieces of the triangle in place.
The third part of our miracle triangle is great staff. I’ve talked about the critical importance of staff in Caregivers: Part 1, 2, 3
But as Scarlett O’Hara says, “I’ll think about that tomorrow.”
Here are the details in two emails: one from early this morning (2:30 AM—mothers never sleep); the second is after our dinner meeting (9:00 PM—mothers put in long days).
Task Analysis for Monday Morning:
From: Mary E. Ulrich [mailto:[email protected]]
Sent: Monday, September 26, 2011 2:28 AM
To: Everyone I could think of who might be part of this move
Subject: Aaron’s houseHi Everyone,
I met with the director of the non-profit on Friday. He said they closed on the new house last Monday and so we can begin the countdown to a move-in date of Nov. 1. Yea, Yea!
Thanks to the Non-Profit and the County Board of DD for making this new resource available to Aaron and our community.
So now there is much to do to be ready by Nov. 1st.
HUD
The director of the non-profit is finalizing the paperwork to become a HUD landlord in W. County. There will need to be an inspection and he is negotiating the rent…. As soon as we get Aaron’s roommate, we will be applying for three people and a 3 bedroom subsidy (Aaron, roommate and caregiver.) This is what Aaron has had in our past County for the last decade, so I think this should be pretty cut and dry. It is an accommodation under ADA, but is different than the rules for HUD’s definition of “caregiver.”
We have received HUD extensions until Oct. 31st. It has been a lot of running around between counties, but Debbie and Wendy have both been wonderful caring professionals. Thank you for helping me figure out the system.
Notices
I need to give notice to everyone in our current county and the current provider by Oct. 1st, which is fast approaching.
I’ve given the notice about moving to Aaron’s current landlord.
This will not come fast enough. Aaron had another “unusual incident” last week where he was not groomed for his day program. (The food he got in his hair on Monday was still there on Wednesday—the staff felt he had not had his hair washed in two days and it was dirty and grimy.) Also, Aaron is running out of transportation money to his day program.) Tom and I are taking Aaron up on Monday mornings, and usually picking him up one afternoon a week.
House Remodeling
The director of the non-profit says they closed on the house last week and will begin the remodeling shortly. They are starting with some tree trimming because of the possible danger and then will refinish the floors in the Living Room, Dining Room and move on to the bathrooms. If everything works out well with HUD and we get the caregiver’s designation for the third bedroom then there may be enough rent money to justify new windows (the current windows are casement windows—inefficient and BAD). They are reluctant to begin the bathrooms until we know who the second roommate will be. This makes sense if we want to make accommodations which are specific to the person needing the bathroom.
I think this is a great way to begin because we will want to show the community we will be great neighbors and take care of the house before the rumors begin that two men with intellectual disabilities are moving in. This is what worked on Aaron’s current residence and I have too many memories of Stetennius, Five Mile and other hearings from worried neighbors. It is a mature neighborhood, I don’t expect any problems, but we want to make a good first impression.
Tom and I will be planting some mums and have a couple inexpensive porch chairs to make the place look lived in. The house has been vacant for a long time so a few improvements should impress the neighbors.
Potential Roommate
I am hoping to hear from the parent of the potential roommate today, and then can set up some visits. This is the next big step.
Then, I understand from the new county board, we will finally get a case manager.
Transition for Aaron
We have been driving Aaron by the house and telling him it is his new home, but I can’t imagine he understands what we are talking about. I’m worried he will miss his roommate of the past 13 years and am sure he will be confused. I want to start some visits to the house as soon as possible. The more familiar he is, the easier the transition.
I’m hoping he will get to have a couple meetings with the new roommate and new staff as soon as possible.
Furnishing House
We also need to figure out how to furnish the house. I have begun to take donations from relatives. We probably have about $1000 set aside.
Tom and I furnished Aaron’s first two residences. We are told that if the furnishings belong to Aaron he can take them with him, but I am uncomfortable just taking the silverware out of the drawer and telling them, “Sorry, this belongs to Aaron.” We have enough problems with the current staff as it is and we don’t want to cause problems for Aaron’s current roommate. But, it is expensive to start a new house from scratch.
My family will be having a shower to donate items sometimes this month. I will have to coordinate with the director of the non-profit when we can get a key and get into the house and it’s not a Bengal’s game (if there are any Bengal fans left in Cincinnati by then).
I’m hoping we can set a corner of the garage or one bedroom to begin collecting items.
I began with a couple boxes in Aaron’s current residence and the staff (without permission) gave them away. “What would you do? Case of trash vs. treasure”. (I’m still VERY upset about this. Just add it to the list of why I want to get away from them ASAP.)
New Agency
Next week I will begin interviewing residential providers. They will need to hire and train staff by Nov. 1. We have met 3 different providers as we visited the 3 potential placements for Aaron. One company impressed us because it was a local company in Mason, but we are open to suggestions. Please email me ASAP. We are well aware that just because a company was good last month, doesn’t make it good this month. Having caring staff will be the second most important variable, after a good roommate.
Well, we have a busy week ahead. Please say a prayer we sell our condo, it is a huge strain on us. We listed it with another agent last week. We have begun to move some of our things into our new condo.
I’m hoping by Christmas we can look at both Aaron and us in our new homes and know we are in a better places, but GEEZ, it’s going to be an action packed couple of months.
Thanks to everyone for helping make this happen for Aaron. Maybe the Bengals could learn from all our teamwork 🙂
Any questions please let me know. Have a great week. Mary
About 1:00 PM, the mother of a young man who might be a prospective roommate called on the phone. That went well so we picked up Aaron at his day program and all met for dinner in a local restaurant.
Email to same group at 9PM.
Tom and I always felt one of the most important steps was finding a good roommate for Aaron. We think we have found a good match.
Aaron, Tom and I had dinner with Jim and his mother, and it went very well, so we would like to move forward.
Jim was very friendly. He is the kind of person that hugs everyone and is best friends with everyone in a couple minutes. He has a devoted mom. Aaron kept looking at Jim. I wish he could speak and tell us his thoughts, but he seemed happy. Jim likes to swim and go to King’s Island—both things that Aaron liked to do in the past. Hopefully, they will be able to do many activities in the community.
By Providence, or some divine plan, or dumb luck…Tom and Jim’s mother actually taught at the same school together and used to talk about their kids at lunch. Pretty amazing, eh?
So, if everything works out—drumroll please– Aaron and Jim will be roommates.
HUD
Jim’s mother is going to call Wendy at the HUD office tomorrow and see what we need to do to get Jim on Aaron’s list. So we will have 3 bedrooms and Aaron, Jim and the caregiver will make three. So, hurrah hurrah.
Also, yesterday the non-profit started painting rooms and beginning the process to get the house HUD approved. So we are really moving forward. It is hard to believe—this is going to happen.
Medicaid Waiver
Aaron and Jim both already have Medicaid Waivers at appropriate levels. So we can begin the transfer of Aaron’s waiver to our new county and start interviewing residential providers.
Finding a good staff will make our miracle triangle complete: (House/HUD—roommate—staff).
Furnishings
My sister Janet, visiting from Kansas, had a friend donate our first items for the house. The director of the non-profit allowed us to begin to put them in the garage.
The painters were there to let us in….
Today went so well, I think I’ll go buy some lottery tickets. 🙂Thanks to everyone who is helping us climb our mountain and move forward. It takes a village….
Mary
Keep Climbing: Onward and Upward
All my best,
Mary
Comments:
Hope you’ll share your thoughts and experiences. I’m happy and exhausted and I know we are only about half-way on the move-in journey. Whew! Now on to making a task analysis for tomorrow. Whew! Whew!
Hi Mary:
Have you discussed with his housemate/responsible adult what you will take. Normally, it would be expected for a room mate to take his things with him when he left – often right down to the last knife and fork. It would make sense to me for you to sit down with his adult and discuss what is reasonable so that you don’t have the burden of starting a house from scratch every time.
I would also put a few things on a registry of differing values and if people ask you can refer them to it. I probably wouldn’t put it out there unless people ask though. Or you can type up a master list indicating new (on Target list for ease of purchase) or gently used OK – and they can provide from their own source. I would give the master list out freely. I always have to remind myself – people want to help.
Good points Alison. Lots to think about. I guess, under normal circumstances, taking all your own stuff would be expected. Unfortunately, these aren’t normal circumstances and Aaron’s current roommate is the sweetest, but most vulnerable man I know. His parents come from the “institutional model” where they think everything should be provided.
I think I will register at Target for some things and just spread the word to the family, and yes, they are always asking me what Aaron would like. This would be a chance to give that to him. People really do want to help. And, this way, we won’t have to feel like we are taking things away from some very needy people.
Hi Mary,i know you can do it.I think all of us are facing different kind of hurdles,but i find it hard to adjust when i need to.This is really a great blog.Keep it up!!
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Thanks Ella, I’m glad you are finding it helpful. We need all the encouragement we can get.
Wonderful news, Mary! When are you having the housewarming/shower, and what items do you most need?
Athena, it’s just like you to be so thoughtful. This is the third house Aaron’s lived in and we’ve furnished the first two. I really don’t want to take the dishes out of the cupboard and just leave Aaron’s current roommate without the things he needs. I also know many people think it is MY responsibility and I am selfish or cheap asking others to buy things for Aaron. I’m stuggling with the concepts of pity/charity and family/community.
Do you think it’s tacky to have a housewarming/shower and ask for things for the new house? Someone suggested we register at Target or Bed Bath and Beyond as if this was a wedding shower, what do you think of that? If we did register, than we wouldn’t get 2 toasters or coffeepots.
Quite frankly, the whole, “you’re on your own” idea is failing us as a society. How can you “pull yourself up by your own bootstraps” when you don’t even have shoes?
If you do register, be aware that people might not apply their donations to the register, so you might still get two coffeepots. 🙂 I, for one, would find it most useful to know the things you need, and whether you need them new, or gently used, and if Aaron has any preferences or aversions to colors or styles or materials or safety features.
Besides, moving into a new house–no matter the circumstances–should be a celebration in any case. You’ve worked so hard to help him maintain his independence that anyone who for a single minute thinks you are selfish or cheap really doesn’t merit anything but scorn. How can it be selfish to want to help your son maintain his independence with a loving caregiver and a compatible housemate? How can it be cheap to want to give him a happy and safe home?
You make me cry Athena. Thanks for all your support. And, I’ll make a list.
It’s so nice to read this very interesting post here.I’m also amazed with the photo of the house.Great article!!
Thanks Ella, we are excited yet scared. This has been such a long journey we worry something will happen. We still have many hurdles to overcome, but it is exciting to be moving forward. Hope you’ll stop by and tell us more about yourself.
Miracles happen when wonderful people work hard to make them worthwhile. : ) I’m so very happy that you’re so helpful to so many people in need. Thank you for sharing the story.
Holy Batman. Thanks Chris for being so positive. Sometimes our “village” reaches farther than we know.
I’ve been smiling all day. It is hard to keep believing good things will happen when they always seem out of reach. We still have several more hurdles, but now we know we can make it. Thanks.
Mary, congratulations! I’m so happy to hear that the ‘triangle’ is coming together at last. Onward & upward, indeed.
Thanks so much Caroline. It is also neat that people all over the world–who I don’t even know personally–are writing to help us celebrate. Each success story for our child starts that ripple for other families. Pretty amazing.
Oh, and the house looks really nice!
Alison, you are right–awesome awesome.
We drove past the house today and there were painters inside–it took my breath away I got so excited.
There are still so many details, but just for today I’m going to join you in a cup of celebration tea!
Wow, fantastic, Mary! Isn’t it wonderful when things f-i-n-a-l-l-y come together sometimes all in a rush. Fingers crossed it continues to go well and the donations come in to furnish the house.
I’m so happy for you I’m going to have a cup of tea! 🙂
P.S. Keep a eye on those things in the garage 😉
It’s a 3 BR, 1.5 bath with a lovely yard. It needs some work, but it has wide hallways and the bath is big enough to fit a wheelchair. We’re hoping to replace the casement windows and they are going to refinish the living room floor so Jim’s wheelchair and walker will not slip. Lots to do, but hey, it is only about 2 miles from our house so we will be able to see Aaron more often. YEA!