The Race Toward Inclusion| Do you see it?
January 5th, 2011 | 
Author: 
The Race Toward Inclusion| Do you see it?
I love this picture. It reminds me of many of my favorite quotes:
“The real voyage of discovery is not in seeking new lands, but in seeing with new eyes.” Proust
“No one’s blinder, than s/he who will not see.” Kenny Rodgers’ song
“The race is not only to the swift, but to s/he who keeps on running.” (unknown)
“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
Eyeballs Running Everywhere
The racing eyeballs also remind me of late at night, lying in bed when my thoughts just keep galloping around in my head.
Our world is filled with a myriad of choices, distractions, good and bad news–all begging for our eyeballs and attention.
Parents of typical kids have trouble sorting out their priorities, and much of their intense parenting ends when their kids are 21. For parents of kids with disabilities, our hardest years are after graduation.
We are supposed to be experts on everything, autism, intellectual disabilities, developmental disabilities, govenment laws and departments on local, state and federal levels, advocacy organizations….
We are supposed to visualize our future, our children’s future.
We are supposed to foresee what will happen, so we can be prepared to protect our vulnerable children.
It makes me dizzy.
I want my bloodshot eyeballs to stop racing around trying to keep up. I want to be able to look forward to a future where my son will be okay. I want to be able to trust the professionals to do their jobs…I want to sleep in peace–(well, not the eternal kind of peace, just restful, you know sleeping through one or two nights 
What about you?
Can you see the good–and ignore the distractions of failed levies, government cutbacks, negative news?
Can you watch the media focus on new segregated programs and ignore inclusive programs?
Can you envision new inclusive services in the community?
Can you discover hopeful ideas and events?
Can you anticipate next week being better? Next month? Next year? 10 years from now?
Can you believe you will have the people and resources you need?
Do you also feel dizzy?
We need to narrow our focus and concentrate on “the essential”: What can we do today to move toward the inclusion of our children in society?
We can’t solve all the issues of the world. But we can exercise the Power of One and do one thing today to make a more inclusive world for the person we care about. One thing. Today.
But how do we decide on that one thing? How do we filter out all the choices?
Pruning
Just like a gardener or farmer prunes the dead wood from a rose bush or apple tree, we need to teach ourselves to prune the information that bombards us everyday. We can make the choice to throw out some information, ignoring potential goldmines. If it is really a goldmine–it will still be there tomorrow. I do this by limiting the time I spend watching TV, the news, using social media like Twitter and Facebook. I don’t care what Brad Pitt is doing, I don’t want to hear about recent car wrecks, abused children, or floods in Asia. I can’t do anything about it. If it is bad, scary, if it is going to keep my eyeballs busy while I am trying to sleep–I prune it out. The world can move on without me.
Planned Ignoring
Planned ignoring is consciously making a decision to ignore certain things. Planned Ignoring gives me time to digest and analyze the information I already know. We need to allow ourselves to “see” and “not see” as we make our priorities. This will help us reduce the overwhelm. We can stop the racing eyeballs in our minds. We can allow ourselves the luxury of closing our eyes for a moment, and find our FOCUS.
Seeing with New Eyes of Inclusion
Long ago, I decided my “voyage of discovery” was to the land of inclusion. It meant learning new ideas, shifting my paradigm, and it is based on the principle of normalization, I want my son Aaron to have as normal a life as possible (period). I can make a difference for him by seeing with my new eyes of inclusion.
What do I see? What does my loved one see?
Is this moving toward inclusion?
I have to live in the real world, so I compromise a lot. But I try to keep my vision focused on the goal: Inclusion for Aaron and others. For instance, yesterday I again had a discussion about filling out a form when we picked Aaron up at his house. Because of the principles of inclusion and normalization, I will still make up my own form, rather than use the medical model form from the agency. Six month ago I was promised this would be changed, but Herbie still lives. Herbie bits the dust“>Click here.
When I first confronted the agency six months ago, I was using “pruning.” I would chop out the old policy. I made phone calls, was given assurances that it would be changed.
For the last five months, I’ve used “planned ignoring”. I kept hoping they would keep their promise to change the form. I kept signing the form I made myself. (The house staff was also using planned ignoring–and just let me do my thing.)
But now, it’s time to use my “new eyes” and make one change as we journey into our annual ISP (Individualized Service Plan–the adult service version of the IEP only without the due process).
I’m predicting: The EYES will have it!
Sweet Dreams Everyone.
Keep Climbing: Onward and Upward
All my best
Mary
COMMENTS:
What do your eyeballs see? What is your vision for the future? Do you think the concepts of “pruning,” “planned ignoring” and “seeing with new eyes” are useful strategies? Are some people incapable of “seeing”?
Posted in Aaron, Advocacy, Autism, Caregivers, community, Disability, Disability World, Inclusion, Parents, Parents of Adults with Disabilities | Tags: "seeing with new eyes", adults with disabilities, autism, caregivers, Disabilities, inclusion, normalization, parents of children with special needs, planned ignoring, pruning
You are among the amazing autism moms I had in mind as I wrote my most recent blog posting – ironically we may have been writing at exactly the same moment.
I LOVE the running eyeballs!
Thanks Char. Let’s exchange links.
After Grandma and the thong, and now the running eyeballs… I’m going to have to find some more dandy pics.
I’m glad you’re doing one thing, Mary. More than that seems overwhelming. Planned ignoring/turning a blind eye is a great thing too. Where would we be without planned ignoring?
Alison Golden recently posted..My Favorite Blog Posts Of 2010
Glad it made sense. Yes, planned ignoring is a great strategy. Of course, my kids have mastered it better than I:)
I’m going to have to think about this post a bit. I have never heard of planned ignoring-HHmmmmm. Sounds interesting. I have heard of pruning though and i have to confess that is kinda hard for me.
My perspective on inclusion is this. While I continue to do what I was not supposed to doing. That is being a caregiver to my mohter in one capacity or another since about 16 or 17 years old. I feel just as out of plac as I did when I was growing up and as out of place as Maria, Richard and the others I got to meet while volunteering what seems like a life time ago.
So while you see the inclusion problem from a mother’s view I see from the viewpoint that those who grow up with severe disabilities do. I’ll admit I sometimes envy Maria and Richard(and most likely Aaron) Simply because they are free from the mind numbing brainwashing that the rest of us have to either accept or fight down. I also could use their unconditional love and support right about now. I simply imagine the three of us preparing for the 3 days of no sun that the Maya and other indigenous elders say is just around the corner.
Some of us like me tend to see the forest but not the trees. For those like me the planed ignoring and pruning are difficult at best.
Well there my curious vantage point. I am sorry but I don’t see the goal of an inclusive society anytime soon. I’m glad you can.
Have a great day Mary and all your readers.
Gary, you are going through extreme sadness right now. Think about it, your mom has been your biggest fan and ally and now she is very ill. It has to be frightening and exhausting. Both the physical and emotional stress must be terrible.
You are a dedicated son. You have spent years and years caring for your mom.
In your recent messages I worry that you are not taking care of your physical and emotional needs. No one can do this alone.
So, let’s brainstorm a minute. Who can you go to for some help. I know you worry about your mom when you aren’t there. Is there someone at the hospital who could look in on your mom and maybe give you a call about how she’s doing? If you called on the phone would they pay her a little extra attention? Does you mom have any other friends or relatives who would stop in and visit even one time?
You are carrying a heavy load right now. I wish I was closer to help you out. Gary, You and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers.
Your brainstorming ideas are one. unfortunately I’m at this moment in time I have to pretend to be Atlas. Yes the load is heavy more emotional then physical though. I’m doing what I can to take care of my health. But as you say this is a bit on the extreme side.
The other thing that is giving trouble in concentration is my right cornea is getting very painful. Hopefully in a month or so(I’m hoping way less)I’ll be getting a complete cornea transplant. That is also why I’m pushing myself so hard to get some things done before that and if this is indeed Mom’s last phase in this dimension.
Thanks so very much for your kindness and thoughts. They are very good to hear. Oh I do call every day and check on her status. It is what it is. To quote the great comparative mythologist Joseph Campbell “The Hero’s Journey”.
Gary, hope things work out. You are still going to need a circle of friends to try and help you thought the next couple months. Try and find some people to help you. God Bless.
great post marry, we should do our best to stay positive even if life has got some negativity
Thanks Farouk,
That’s the neat thing about starting a new year–you can get a fresh start.
This is very interesting, You are a very skilled blogger. I have joined your feed and look forward to seeking more of your fantastic post. Also, I have shared your site in my social networks!
Thanks for the feedback. If you are interested in getting an email every time there is a new post–go to the box in the top left corner of the site.
I think the planned ignoring thing is very interesting. There was a study conducted. They placed a person in a room with a stereo. The person could controll the vollume of the stereo. Through the stereo, the examiners played 2 dialogs, one agreeing with the person’s opinions and another that was against the person’s opinion. The dialogs had white noice in the bacground. They found that the person would turn up the dialog they agreed with, and would attempt to understand it more than the other dialog. In effect, people try to hear what they want to hear. I believe that we need to open our eyes more to what we would normally ignore. We need to at least try to understand different people and different points of view. Every one has a story worth hearing. People with disabilities are ignored because they aren’t believed to have anything worth saying, but in my opinion, they see the world through glasses that are not crowded with politics, or uterior motives. They see the world pure.
Hi Alaura,
Thanks for your comment, you make some excellent points.
“They see the world pure,” is so insightful. You are right that many people do not see the inner beauty of others, whether they have disabilities or not. We all need to “open our eyes more to what we would normally ignore.” We all need to stretch our boundaries and hear the stories of others. We would have a better and more peaceful world if we learned tolerance and to see the world through the eyes of others. Lots to think about. Appreciate your thoughts, hope you’ll stop by again.
“The real voyage of discovery is not in seeking new lands, but in seeing with new eyes.” (Proust) I think that this quote is especially important in terms of teaching and parenting children in special education. It is so much better to begin to understand your child and not look at them as different just in a different light. You have to understand that these children are different but its a beautiful thing rather than a negative thing. It is crucial to realize that its all about finding the positives in these children because they bring so much to the table. I think everyone should keep this quote in the back of their mind no matter what child they are around.
I’m glad you like this quote too. Sometimes I think Proust must have written it just for us:)
I also enjoy this quote: “The real voyage of discovery is not in seeking new lands, but in seeing with new eyes.” I had a friend that I knew growing up with downs syndrome. She was my age and we went to church and attended Sunday school together. When I first met her, I remembered her as the “disabled” girl. But growing up with her for a few years opened my EYES to who she is as an individual. She’s a incredible reader. She could pronounce some of those crazy bible names (like Zabdiel, and Gederothaim… yikes) that I had difficulty pronouncing. She also has a sweet, kind heart, always ready to make a new friend. I learned to know her at the level of her heart and truly valued her friendship.