by Mary E. Ulrich | Sep 24, 2010
photo credit: KlemenRobnik
As promised in Day 3 of the blogging challenge: “Turning it over to the professionals”— here is the slimy squiggly creature that crawls up necks.)
The Host
Like most people, I read The Host because it was written by Stephanie Meyer of Twilight fame. It had the great plot twists, character arcs and world building I expected. But The Host also gave me thoughtful surprises.
In The Host, an intelligent species of slimy aliens look at the chaos on earth and think it needs a complete makeover. The aliens invade Earth to bring peace, serenity, cure diseases and bring order to the rampant violence and corruption they see destroying the planet. The heroine Wanda (Wanderer) is surgically implanted in Melanie, her host’s body. But Melanie is a rebel who refuses to voluntarily surrender her body and life to Wanda. (spoiler) Wanda and Melanie learn from each other. Wanda learns even though these humans live in a violent world, she and the other aliens are now violently destroying their human spirits, relationships and what makes them unique in the galaxy.
The whole story is about understanding what is human? Can do-gooders cause harm? Is chaos really okay? How can human friendships and emotions be judged? Can differences be a good thing?
The Host by Stephanie Meyer, New York: Little, Brown and Company 2008.
The Home Stagers
Our Realtor recommended we allow professional House Stagers to work their magic on our first floor. And yes, we probably had too much stuff. No, I take that back. Of course we had too much stuff.
The next week, two lovely ladies came and spent over 4 hours on just the LR/DR room and kitchen. Just like on TV, they went through the house and pulled a couple pieces of furniture–Love seat, glass coffee table, and one chair and moved everything else out.
If you are interested in seeing the final product you can see our condo on their website and BTW: it is still for sale (bet you were wondering if I would get the sales pitch in?) (click here and check it out)
The ladies removed all personal pictures and items, took down the calendar and pen, put away the rugs, grandma’s china, as well as the toaster and coffeepot. You get the idea. They stripped the rooms and now (“as research suggests”) have just a few pieces which are nondescript and allow the prospective buyer to see the view of the golf course–our biggest selling point and envision themselves living here with their stuff. This house is supposed to no longer be our house. It is now just a shell (the host) where we live until we can move on and claim a new home.
Aaron
Here is where I just start laughing. We purposely didn’t bring Aaron home overnight for the first three weeks. We picked him up at his house, went to Tommy’s house for dinner, or a restaurant, or the park, but we stayed away from this staged perfect house, which was ours–but not ours. After all, Tom and I were having a hard enough time hiding our dirty laundry in the closet, making sure the kitchen garbage can was discretely unseen in the garage, and … whoever invented glass coffee tables? That person should be sent to a far off planet.
The rose fades
After a couple weeks, living in a show room window was real old. After all, we can’t keep Aaron completely out of the house. He is not really a person for crowded places. We have to live, right?
So Aaron walks in the living room, goes to the spot where his chair and books have been for the last 10 years. Of course, that spot has been cleared “to create a better walking path for the prospective buyers.”
Aaron stops, pauses, and then looks at me like, “WTF, where’s my chair?” So he bites his hand.
Moving on, he goes to find his usual stash of books by the fireplace. When he sees they are gone too, he says, “You okay?” (Which is his way of wanting us to ask him if he is okay, (because he clearly isn’t).
When I give him some books, some ice tea and quickly redirect him to the patio he repeats, “You Okay?” for the next half an hour. I mean this literally until you think you are going to tear your ears off your head–about 30 times each minute. That is a l-o-t of, “You, Okay?”s.
Plan B
So this weekend we are taking Aaron to a state park to spend the night. We’ll take him swimming and give him some extra attention. We’ll be in a different setting. I think we will all enjoy the time away and the peace of mind the house will stay in its perfect condition with no humans to mess it up.
Takeaway:
1. Say a prayer we sell the house. Just got word someone will actually be viewing it. This will solve some immediate problems, though it will open others.
2. I have to wonder about the comparison about the aliens from The Host taking over the lives of their host and the way the Realtor and House Stagers have essentially taken over our lives.
3. Fortunately this is temporary. But every time I go to mark something on our non-existent calendar, or find my spaghetti pot which was considered clutter and is now in storage, I wonder.
Conclusion:
Like the questions I asked after reading The Host, I now question the Home Stagers stripping away the personal and human items to simplify, remove the clutter and chaos. Are they actually substituting more stress and chaos in our lives? As I talked about in the Day 2 and 3, do buyers want to see what is human and makes us unique so they can then add their spirit to this living space? Or is a sort of surgical removal to sterilize the environment really better?
I know what Aaron would say. I think I know what Wanda and Melanie would say.
TELL US YOUR OPINION: What do you say?
In this moving example and from other experiences in your life: What is human? Can do-gooders cause harm? Is chaos really okay? Are human friendships and emotions better than a world where everyone’s emotions are the same? Can differences be a good thing?
Tomorrow: I’ll be back on Monday. Right now I need to pack our stuff to go out of town so our house looks unlived in. So someone else can decide if they want to live in it. And this makes sense, why?
BTW: In my research about The Host, I found out it was made into a movie. So, I definitely want to see it, but of course our DVD player was considered clutter too and is in one of the boxes in storage. Humm, maybe the aliens have invaded.
Keep Climbing: Onward and Upward.
All the best,
Mary
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In case you missed it:
Day 1: “Every Day for 30 Days” Blogging Challenge or “IBP” (Individual Blogging Plan) Day 1 of the 30-Day-Every-Day Blogging challenge. (click here)
Day 2: Memory Rocks: not being objective (click here).
Day 3: Turning it over to the professionals (click here)
Day 4: An Avalanche and an Aaron story (click here)
Check out what my challenge partner Alison Golden of The Secret Life of a Warrior Woman is blogging about today at http://alisongolden.com/
by Mary E. Ulrich | Sep 24, 2010
Day 4 of the 30-Day-Every-Day Blogging Challenge has been a challenge indeed.
It could be worse
Becke wondered if there was an avalanche; Ana thought the computer just got too excited about the new tech stuff and was throwing-up (can you tell she’s around babies); Sue suggested it was the hic-cups; Joe, Char, Mar, Kathy and Daphne… also sent kind messages and pep talks. Thanks dear friends for your overwhelming support. It helps to laugh and know things could be worse.
The funny part is my email service Microsoft Office Outlook is also down today. So, the technology gods must be mad at me, or something. Guess this is one of those–pay your dues–kind of days.
Whew! Turns out I’ve spent most of the day talking with the experts to try and figure out how to send ONE notice to my blog subscribers. Just one–not 17.
Isn’t it ironic the system fell apart on the day I blogged about “Leaving it to the professionals”? Bet a comedian would have a field day with this one.
So, tomorrow, I hope to get everything together. Right now, I’m going to go take a walk…or maybe a nap…or maybe… just climb some damn mountain and throw some rocks. Right?
One story: Ten years ago on the day we moved into this condo, we brought all Aaron’s stuff from his old room. He was about 25 years old at the time and had spent the previous 18 years in the same bedroom. We transitioned his stuff and played in his room before he went to bed. He was tired and went right to sleep. Things were looking pretty good.
Tom and I were exhausted and were sleeping soundly until about 3 AM. At that time, I looked up and found Aaron standing over me at the side of the bed. When I sat up, he handed me his shoes.
Now remember, this is a kid who hardly uses any words. But this night, he looks me right in the eye and says, “Go Home.”
Got to say, he communicated his message right into my heart. He did know more about the move than we gave him credit for. He knew this wasn’t home and in the middle of the night you are supposed to be “home”!
Aaron adjusted and now he loves to sit outside on our patio and watch the golfers go by in their funny white carts. We have a big umbrella to keep him from being sunburned. He looks at his books and drinks an ice tea and, when he is really relaxed–he will cross his legs. His sure tell sign of contentment.
Our system in this house is set. I don’t know where we will be moving. I don’t know what Aaron will think of our next house.
We will do the ecological inventory, the advanced planning, the teaching of new skills and transition as necessary. And somehow Aaron will adapt. And we will adapt too.
Aaron hasn’t said the phrase, “Go Home” since that first night ten years ago. I wonder what he will do this time?
Enjoy your day everyone.
Keep Climbing: Onward and Upward
All the best. Mary
Today was so bad, I’m not sure you’ll want to comment. But, if you do, let the rocks roll…
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In case you missed it:
Day 1: “Every Day for 30 Days” Blogging Challenge or “IBP” (Individual Blogging Plan) Day 1 of the 30-Day-Every-Day Blogging challenge. (click here)
Day 2: Memory Rocks: not being objective Memory Rocks: not being objective (click here).
Day 3: Turning it over to the Professionals. Turning it over to the professionals (click here)
Check out what my challenge partner Alison Golden of The Secret Life of a Warrior Woman is blogging about today at http://alisongolden.com/
by Mary E. Ulrich | Sep 23, 2010
Day 3 of the 30-Day-Every-Day Blogging Challenge
5 Generations of Ulrichs
Tom and I have sold three of our previous homes ourselves. But with the economy, the time of year, the fact our condo is in a private community… we decided to turn it over to the professionals.
Don’t know about you, but every parent of a kid with a disability feels slimy squiggly worms climbing up their necks at the phrase, “Turn it over to the professionals.”
Don’t get me wrong, some of my best friends are professionals. *laugh, had to add that*
What I’ve learned from my experiences as a mother?
I don’t like to mistrust people or cause problems. I don’t enjoy confrontation. I don’t think my way is the only way. It’s no fun to continually question the rules. But…
People with disabilities and their families have been the victims of the experts. We have seen them change their minds, make stuff up, be flat-out wrong (remember refrigerator mothers and institutions…) So, I am skeptical of experts, research, and all professionals. Including Realtors.
Do Realtors conduct scientific research?
The dominant research paradigm in our culture requires we disprove the “null hypothesis” to find the new truth or fact. The scientific method demands testing under strict guidelines, then in additional studies, all findings must be duplicated with similar results. (Hey, I didn’t take all those research classes for nothing.)
So maybe some “Research Realtor” (say that three times fast) set up double-blind studies, evaluated the statistics and made scientifically unbiased conclusions. But, maybe all this objective advice about removing all personal pictures and hiding the coffee pot is nonsense propagated on a TV show? Maybe no one tested it at all. Maybe some company exec. made an arbitrary decision. Don’t know, I haven’t studied the real estate literature.
Just Trust Me.
But don’t you wonder if deciding a one-hour Open House is more effective than a 3 hour Open House is based on pure speculation? Is there quantifiable data proving the internet is the only effective way to advertise? Do the pros navigate their own websites ie. When we typed in our street address on the Realtor’s website, it said, “no such property exists.” Scary.
We parents learned the hard way about authority and trust when researchers insisted on using standardized tests–in multiple choice format–because that was easiest for them to collect data.
Do Realtors now rely almost exclusively on the internet and one-hour open houses because it really is more effective selling houses? Or, to make their personal lives easier? (Hey, no one wants to work Sunday afternoons.)
It’s only one week since our listing–so we need patience. But Tom and I are starting to second-guess our decision and wish we tried to sell our condo ourselves. At least we would be in control, success or not. Our condo at $148,900 is small potatoes to a real estate professional. Yet the $8,000 commission might mean the difference between a sale, and no sale. And $8,000 is what Tom makes in a year working 3 days a week at his job at the golf course.
Once empowered…
One thing about being an advocate and parent of a child with a severe disability is we know about empowerment and self-determination. We have learned to be persistent. We communicate our needs, concerns and keep asking questions. We don’t trust professionals to do their jobs. We question promises, motives and actions. We question…well, everything. That is how we survive.
Not sure if that is good or bad, it is just the way it is. In systems theory we understand everything is connected. What affects one part of the system affects all the parts of the system (click here).
Sorry Realtors, nothing personal, but when you get our listing, you also get our life’s baggage. We act the same for hairdressers, plumbers, and especially for all service delivery services (and I don’t mean Federal Express).
Parents carry battle scars that never heal. And this carries over into all aspects of life.
Your Turn
So, maybe the questions are: Can parents ever be happy? Can we ever trust professionals to do their jobs? What do you think when you “turn it over to the professionals”? Do workshops on self-determination and empowerment help or hinder our relationships?
Do you “Question the Rules”?
Tomorrow: “When Sci-Fi Touches Real Life” a story where the heroine is one of those squiggly worms.
Keep Climbing: Onward and Upward.
All the best,
Mary
————————————————-
In case you missed it:
Day 1: “Every Day for 30 Days” Blogging Challenge or “IBP” (Individual Blogging Plan) Day 1 of the 30-Day-Every-Day Blogging challenge. (click here)
Day 2: Memory Rocks: not being objective (click here).
Check out what my challenge partner Alison Golden of The Secret Life of a Warrior Woman is blogging about today at http://alisongolden.com/
by Mary E. Ulrich | Sep 21, 2010
…my 30 Day IBP (Individual Blogging Plan)
Meet Alison Golden, my challenge buddy
Alison Golden is a Warrior Woman
The internet drives my husband Tom crazy. I’ll be talking about Alison Golden and he will say, “Who? How do you know her?” I will patiently answer Alison is a world traveler, originally from England, the one who writes a blog called The Secret Life of a Warrior Woman. (Check it out here.) Tom will ask again, “Is she a real person or some mystical cyber-cloud haze?”
Since this happens often I will take a deep breath and say, “Yes, Alison is very real, she now lives in California with her husband and two young kids.”
For those of you over 65 years old, who grew up before there were computers or satellites to give us GPS directions…, you will understand. And yes, Tom still uses maps with yellow highlighters. (Though in his defense, I always trust his directions over GPS.)
I try to straddle the digital divide. I love it when someone as lovely as Alison comes along and says, “Let’s follow Chris Brogan’s advice and do a 30 day blogging challenge to see if we can grow our blogs and increase our traffic.”(click here for the discussion).
Alison and I met during Johnny B. Truant and Lee Stranahan’s Question the Rules course. Warrior Woman meets Mother-with-lots-of-bullet-holes was a natural. Plus Alison is very funny.
Sept. 21 is the Autumn Equinox in the Northern Hemisphere. It is also World Storytelling Day in the Southern Hemisphere. So combining the momentum of a natural balance in the universe and the gift of storytelling it is a perfect day to begin our blogging challenge.
Individual Blogging Plan (IBP)
In true Special Education IEP tradition, here is my IBP (Individual Blogging Plan)
Timeline:
All Goals will be achieved in 30 days starting Sept. 21, 2010
Current Level of Performance:
Climbing Every Mountain is two months old. According to Google Analytics (Assessment tool) my visitors range from a high of twenty a day (2 times) to 0 (1 time). Today, my new AWeber (assessment tool) says there are 15 subscribers. I’ve posted about 2-3 times a week with most posts about 1000 words. Many posts have no comments, “America the Beautiful” has the most comments with 52 (of course half of those are my responses).
30 Day Short Term Goals and Objectives:
1. I will double the number of subscribers (30):
a. Thanking my existing subscribers who are the true believers. *sending kisses* I will ask them to use social media and tell their friends about our blog. *more kisses*
b. Using AWeber, I will figure out how to automatically contact each subscriber when a new post is made. *I know, I know…remember the old part, I’m still learning.*
c. In my posts, I will post a weekly count, and encourage new readers to subscribe.
d. I will learn how to make “bullets” so this is easier for my readers. *did I mention I was the most technologically inept person on the blogosphere?*
2. I will blog everyday
a. I may write shorter posts of 300 – 500 words, instead of the longer 1000 word posts.
b. I will use Photo Dropper, to speed up finding pictures while continuing to learn how to upload pictures from our family photo album and camera.
c. I will have my first guest post and one interview. *this is sooo exciting*
d. I will ask my readers for blog topic suggestions. *What do you need?*
3. I will build an interactive community.
a. If my content is wonderful, readers will comment and share their own stories, help each other solve problems and get connected.
b. If my post topics are useful, the number of comments and linkbacks will increase and we will reach more people.
c. If our community grows, commenters will suggest other related blogs and resources.
Evaluation
At the end of the 30 day challenge, I will ask for feedback from everyone about their experience.
Related Services and Support
1. Alison, my blogging challenge partner.
Alison is going to be my guidepost to help me keep grounded. She is not a special education person so she will have valuable advice. If we believe in inclusion, we need to be able to communicate with people outside our inner circle. She is a blessing as well as a fellow traveler.
2. Technical Support
I’m going to be needing a lot of technical support. But like all special education, we often don’t have what we need so we learn to be “creative,” right?
3. YOU
I’m counting on each one of you to add your suggestions and feedback. Email me any time. [email protected]
Call to Action
Are you going to join us? Even “partially participate” (couldn’t resist) by reading the blogs and telling your friends? Get brave and comment?
Keep Climbing: Onward and Upward
All the best,
Mary
This is day 1 of the Chris Brogan Every-Day-for-30-Days Blogging challenge. See what my challenge partner Alison Golden of The Secret Life of a Warrior Woman: is blogging about today at http://alisongolden.com/
